Time in a Bottle

Remember the Jim Croce song, "Time in a Bottle"?  That has been going through my head. . . . only I changed the words just a little. . . . If I could save time in a bottle, here's what I wish I could do, I'd save every day like a treasure, and then, again, I would spend them with you. . .

So much of the time I just want to take out the memories and wrap myself in them, like I wrap up in Sara's blanket of t-shirts that Heidi made for me.  I want to make sure I save them.  It is painful, but oh so sweet!  It is living in the . . . "wishing for what WAS, while being thankful for what IS, and looking forward for the hope that IS TO COME".  I wish I could do that with more grace. 

I was looking back at my caringbridge journal. . . and reading things from November/December/January 2010/2011 . . . when we knew that Sara was not going to make it. . . .but we were still holding on to hope for a miracle.  I wrote. . . "somewhere in between total denial and total panic is a place where we can walk this road with God's grace".  I often still feel that same way.  And yet. . . there is no denying that God is giving us grace and strength to continue . . . the same grace and strength He provides for all, in the struggle of this life here on earth.

As for "time in a bottle". . . . as I think about it. . . . I guess that would be memories.  I know that every phone conversation and every visit with our kids is more precious to me now than ever.  December is filled with warm, crazy, and funny memories. . . .as well as difficult ones.  I'll keep saving them, and filling another bottle with more!

246.  Pictures. . . and memories. . . "time in a bottle"
247.  Christmases when the kids were little and I dressed the girls alike - Sam lucked out!
248.  Making gingerbread houses with the kids every year - until the year when the house wouldn't stay together - we threw the house in the trash and started making gingerbread man cookies
249.  The year that Sara was so excited to finally be old enough to sing in the Christmas program - she always knew all the songs and motions anyway!
250.  The year that Sam decided he actually did like to sing
251.  Playing LOUD Christmas music and having the kids dance, sing, or lip-sync with all the songs
252.  Watching "White Christmas" - and the girls always jumping up to sing along with "Sisters"
253.  The year we played "Dance Revolution" and I messed up my knee
254.  The year that Sara dressed herself in every single Christmas gift she received. . . all at once. . . and danced around the living room
255.  Picking our kids up from the airport to come home for Christmas - or seeing them pull up in the driveway
256.  Late night conversations and laughter
257.  Kringla
258.  Coffee in red Starbucks Christmas cups
259.  Scotchmallows
260.  The fact that we were all home for Christmas together in 2010 - precious time