I am blessed. I sat in church yesterday morning, and all that filled my thoughts was that this day last year was when I got the call from Kari (during church) that Sara had to be care-flighted to San Francisco, and that the doctor there in Salem had seen several more tumors in her lungs. Then my husband started his sermon. He is starting a topical series for the new year. . . . . just guess what the topic is. . . . yep. . . HOPE. It's kind of funny, almost like it could have been just he and I in church. . . he needed to preach it, and I needed to hear it. (except that I know many others needed it as well, and I believe God uses His Word in a big way)
I have been in the pit lately, looking down more than looking up. As hard as it is, for me it is a matter of looking up at who God is, what He has done, and what He has given. . . . even what He has promised to do. . . instead of looking down at where I am at the moment, or what I don't have. It is hard. I also realize that sometimes I want to be in the pit. (Now that is just crazy!) But really, isn't that true, when I know that all I have to do is to look up? No, it doesn't change my circumstances, but it certainly does change my perspective.
Woody preached from Psalm 130. It is a "Song of Ascent" (one of Israel's top 15 hits), about hope in the Lord's forgiving love. It's great. That is kind of funny too, because Saturday night as I was going to sleep I was thinking about love (in a foggy sort of way). What does it mean that someone loves you? What does it mean that God loves me? Looking at Psalm 130 shows me that one great evidence of God's love is His forgiveness. There is hope.
When we got home from church there was a message on our phone machine from a dear lady (who had been at church) that recently lost her husband. The message told us to be sure to read the day's passage in our devotional book (that I have mentioned before), "Jesus Calling", because it tied in so well with Woody's sermon. Here is a brief excerpt. . .
"The weaker you are, the more gently I approach you. Let your weakness be a door to My Presence. Whenever you feel inadequate, remember that I am your Ever Present Help. Hope in Me, and you will be protected from depression and self-pity. Hope is like a golden cord connecting you to heaven. The more you cling to this cord, the more I bear the weight of your burdens, thus you are lightened. Cling to hope, and My rays of Light will reach you through the darkness."
For me. . . yesterday afternoon I spent more time being so thankful for those last precious months we had with Sara. They were a gift and a blessing. There is hope. God is just not done with us yet.
Noreen- I read every blog post. It helps me in this journey of motherhood. I have a lot of fears of what could possibly come of motherhood, but you give me so much hope. You have been through my worst fears, it is hard and you are honest about that, but your perspective is such an encouragement. God must have big plans for you. Wow.
ReplyDeleteLove, Rebecca Wuth
Dear Noreen,
ReplyDeleteKeep writing. Keep writing. Yes, our God brings new life out of death and darkness. More than we can hope or imagine. I, too, read all your blogs and I am glad to see how you move through this time of deep sorrow and grief. I am so glad that you and Woody have each other.
love, Haidi