I give up trying to figure out what it is that causes such a wide range of emotional ebb and flow. Heidi and I were talking about how difficult it is to find and live in that balance. . . .that middle ground between putting the hurt out of your mind and getting busy with life, or thinking about how much we will always miss Sara and wanting to be immersed in memories. We can keep telling ourselves "this is normal", "it is what it is", "we'll see her again", "others have gone through this", "focus on Jesus and eternity". . . . . that is truth, and we do go on. God is good, and His blessings are abundant. But the hurt still swells up so much that it chokes, often at unexpected times. This week I have felt like that old Amy Grant song from the 70's. I don't remember the whole song. . . . just the line. . . "I'm raining on the inside".
A lovely thing happened this week. I got a message from a couple of Sara's dear friends in Oregon. They have started a project of making headbands to send to cancer patients in the hospital. They are calling it the "Forever Sunshine Collection", and are including a letter with a picture of Sara and her verse (Phil 4:13) in each box. They told me they are starting by sending a box of headbands to the hospital in San Francisco where Sara received her treatment. Sara would love it!
Sara kept several journals over the years. I wish I could find more of them, but she must have gotten rid of them (I'm sure she knew we would read them if she didn't!). Of the two prayer journals that we found when she left us for glory, the earliest entry was today's date. . . . February 11, 2011. She wrote. . . .
"Last night was not such a great night. But today is a new morning, and Your mercies are new every morning. I'm putting all my trust in You, Lord, because I've got nothing. I need Your strength. I'm not sure what to do or what to say. There's so much going on in my mind right now, but I don't even know how to voice it. In all of this, I do want to be a shining light for You, and be an example to someone, somewhere. I know that in order to do that I have to be in Your Word, and listening to what You have to say to me. Lord, please help me not to worry too much about what everyone else is doing and what I'm missing out on, but to concentrate on what You have me going through right now. I'm trusting You Lord. I love You. Help me to constantly be showing that, and help me to be always listening to You. Always. Amen"
I am always amazed at how our lives can make an impact on other people! It is my firm believe that it takes a remarkable person to touch lives even after they are no longer on Earth to do it! This is Sara! I know, you know what an incredible young woman she is...but I don't know if you realize that she is among some of the great hero's of the faith! If the Bible were still being written today, I have no doubt she would be a part of it. She is still causing me to look at my life and make sure that each moment counts for the cause of Christ! It is my prayer that my life will cause someone else to do the same. Thank you for being willing to share your thoughts and hers!
ReplyDeleteNoreen,
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful today for Wanda, for sharing your blog with me, but particularly for this message. Currently, I am "raining on the inside" and "sobbing on the outside" as a dear family friend is losing her 4 year battle with cancer in hospice 6 hours away from me as I sit here typing this. Reading Sara's words of courage as she faced her battle head-on wearing the full armor of God helps me see that even in the depths of our dispair and loss, it is possible to receive all of the peace, joy, and comfort that we could ever require from our Lord and Saviour! It is easy to forget that in the midst of the grief and loss...thank you so much for sharing this...