April 14, 2011

There is this strong desire for continuing connections to Sara.  Reading her journal entries these last few months, on the same date that she wrote them a year ago, and remembering those times. . . has been precious.  April 14, 2011 is the last journal entry we have from her.  She noted John 3 as the scripture passage she had read, and then writes. . . .

  "Lord, it has been way too long since I've taken the time to sit down and do my devotions.  I know I could rattle off plenty of excuses about not feeling well, of being in alot of pain and on pain meds and therefore being really tired and barely able to keep my eyes open, but I don't want to use those as excuses Lord.  This is when I need You the most.  I need Your guidance and Your strength.  I need Your wisdom and peace of mind.  The pain was getting so bad, and I was worried that things were just getting worse and worse, and there was nothing we could do about it.  The new regimen of pain meds we started yesterday seems to be making a difference already and I'm so thankful for that Lord!  Thank You, thank You, thank You, Lord!  As You know, I've also started this steroid again, which has the side effect of making me a little chunky, a little round, and things like that.  Now I don't want to be shallow or vain or super skinny for that matter.  I just want to eat right, be healthy, and be comfortable in my own clothes.  Please help me not to get frustrated when things don't fit, but please help me to find things that do fit, that I'm comfortable in.
 Thank You for such a wonderful night's sleep last night Lord, and thank You for such a wonderful, beautiful day.  Help me to get alot done today and keep feeling good.  Thank You for my family, and that in the course of the next two weeks I get to see them all.  I'm so thankful.  Sometimes it makes me sad because I don't know how much longer I have and if this visit with them will be my last.  But help me not to think about that Lord.  Help me to just enjoy the time I do have and give You praise for each and every new day that You give me.  I love You Lord!  Help my light shine constantly.  Amen."