Oops!

I am trying to go through my days looking for ways to be thankful.  There are always plenty of things to be thankful for, but let's be honest. . . . some days it is just more difficult to keep yourself in that grateful mode.  I AM grateful, and I intend to continue my list of 10,000 gifts.  There are just days. . . .

Looking over my blog tonight, I realized that in my list I went from #13 to #15, skipping #14.  Oh dear. . . I would like to blame that on the craziness of the last weeks of school.  Hmmm. . . . not extremely sure that is really valid, but we'll go with it anyway.  I will insert #14 here, and then move on to #16.

14.  Sunshine
16.  Flowers in vast arrays of color
17.  Playing good music loud on the radio
18.  Towels fresh out of the dryer
19.  Words that rhyme

Sara. . . You're happy, whole, yet out of reach -
I wish that I could kiss your cheeks.
You sing, you dance, but I can't see -
I wish that with you I could be.
It's been a year, seems like a day -
since you were here with things to say.
I know God's real, I know He's good -
I'm trying to trust Him like I should.

Not always easy. . .

"One act of thanksgiving when things go wrong with us, is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations." . . .  Saint John of Avila

15.  Abundant grace and the constant presence of God. . . even when we have a hard time acknowledging it

Hi. . . I'm Norm

I spent a totally enjoyable afternoon in Reno with Maria, LaurelAnne, and Victoria-Leigh today.  I had the pleasure of playing the piano for Victoria-Leigh as she performed a violin solo for the regional finals of a Rotary Club music competitiion.  We listened to several very talented musicians, Victoria-Leigh did an exceptional job, and an added highlight for me was being given this name-tag to wear. . .

That's my new alias. . . . Norman Swenson.  :)

13.  Laughter that takes your breath away

Today

On May 19, 2007 we joined the Timmerman family in celebrating the marriage of our two beautiful, intelligent, funny, talented, creative, loving, etc, etc, etc. . . . children, Brett & Kari.  They are such a perfect match, and we thank God constantly for the gift of that extension of our family. . . for the joy of THEIR family.  Happy anniversary Brett & Kari! 

.  .  . continuing gifts. . .

5.  The conversation of 2 year olds - especially our grandson
6.  Photographs and the memories they bring
7.  Mornings when you don't set your alarm
8.  Starting over
9.  Music. . .melody, harmony, rhythm, syncopation, dissonance. . .good lyrics
10.  Hugs and smiles from children
11.  God's forgiveness. . .which allows us to forgive and be forgiven
12.  Puttering on  a Saturday morning

One thousand gifts

I suppose it's normal to have significant events, or the anniversaries thereof, seem to mark the page turns of your life.  Some of us mark the passing of years by Christmas, since January begins the ACTUAL new year.  For some of us who work in the school system, it seems like August or September is always the beginning of the next chapter.  I guess it doesn't really even matter. . . . it's just that May/June seems to be that time for me now.  All the sights, sounds, smells, and activities of Spring now remind me of a diagnosis of cancer. . . . . the hope of picking life up again. . . . and the sorrow of a life ended.  I think of Sara constantly.  But mingled with those memories are also the reminders of graduations. . . weddings. . . birthdays of children and grandchildren, and many other blessings.  One thousand gifts. . . . As the page of my life turns this spring, I want to start a continuous list of the daily gifts and blessings in my life. . . . to recognize and name them daily, even amidst the trials and heartaches that will likely be present on a daily basis as well.  I won't write them all here (obviously), but my goal is that every time I do write, I will add to that list.  I'm fairly certain that if I follow through with this, I will be well BEYOND one thousand by Spring of 2013. 

This past weekend I went through boxes of old cards and letters, looking for mother's day cards from Sara from years past.  I found several. . . most precious is the last one she wrote to me (2010).  I also found lovely notes and cards from Sam, Heidi, and Kari. . . from Woody, and from other friends and family.  So, fittingly. . . . to start my list. . .

1.  Old or new letters on lined paper - or any paper 
2.  The power, beauty, and comfort of words
3.  Confrontation that helps us solve problems
4.  A job that I have to go get ready for

Window Blessings

There is something special about a window. . . . .  It can warm your body and soul with light from the brillant sunshine, or shield you from the cold and damp as you listen to the rhythm of the raindrops on a stormy day.  It can help you see another perspective - outside looking in, or inside looking out.  It can deepen your understanding of faith, hope, and love as it frames God's abundant blessings - from either perspective. 

Woody and I were blessed with this special gift from friends this week.  It is such a special remembrance of Sara and we love it.  I was also blessed by another friend with the gift of a great book. . . . it is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  I am only reading a little at a time because I really want to absorb it.  I'll give you a "taste" from the jacket of the book.  "One Thousand Gifts beckons you to leave the parched ground of pride, fear, and white-knuckle control and abandon yourself to the God who overflows your cup.  As Ann Voskamp invites you into her own moments of grace, she gently teaches you how to biblically lament loss, turning pain into poetry. . . intentionally embrace a lifestyle of radical gratitude . . . and slow down and catch God in the moment." 

As I said, I've only read a few chapters so far, but it is good for my heart.  Here's another tidbit. . . "To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it."  This is talking about NAMING our blessings. . . recognizing and naming the gifts God gives us.  Can you name one thousand gifts from God?  I'm finding that the more you name, the more you see. . . . . yes, good for the heart.

On this Mother's Day I am so thankful for my mother. . . I'm also thankful for my mother-in-law.  I'm thankful for a husband who loves me and expresses his love for me as his wife and as the mother of our children.  I'm incredibly blessed to have four amazing kids, and three incredible "kids-in-law".  With all these gifts, I can say that although the pain and sorrow of losing Sara is great, and often makes my heart heavy. . . the blessing of having her in our family for almost 23 years is a greater joy, that I would never trade.  

Cupcakes and Daisies

Too many thoughts to even write.  What I'd really like is to turn life's clock back to May 2, 2009, and have the next 3 years play out in a totally different way.  But obviously, that would not be God's way, and so now we keep learning to accept what is.  Treasuring the memories of the almost 23 years we had with the precious gift of Sara. 

During her months of chemo Sara discovered cooking shows on TV (along with Wheel of Fortune).  She said that since she couldn't eat, she felt like watching the shows helped her feel like she wasn't missing out on the fun of food.  One show that she particularly liked was Cupcake Wars.  We held our own variation of Cupcake Wars this week and made cupcakes in honor of Sara.  Our scotchmallow cupcakes were chocolate fudge cake filled with a shot of caramel sauce and a dollop of marshmallow creme, then topped with chocolate fudge frosting.  And of course, oreo cupcakes. . . more chocolate fudge cake, topped with an oreo, sandwiched in mounds of whipped cream.  We weren't quite sure how to incorporate the skittles. . . maybe next year!

And of course, we planted daisies.