Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Ellery Sara Swenson
Today is the birthday of our second grandchild and first granddaughter. Sam and Kimberly are the proud parents of this little (actually not so little) bundle of pure joy. Ellery was born this morning weighing 9lbs 14oz, and 22.5 inches long. It is already evident that she will have her daddy wrapped around her little finger. We are so thankful for her safe delivery and that both Kimberly and Ellery are doing well. Our hearts are in Oregon tonight. . . . and our bodies will be there as soon as possible. So blessed!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
gifts. . . .
322. Reading stories written by 1st graders
323. First graders
324. Spring planting
325. Perennials that actually come back after a Nevada winter - at the Swenson's
326. An awesome school staff who declared this week "Counselor Appreciation Week"
327. So You Think You Can Dance - so many memories of watching this in the hospital with Sara
328. Granddaughter Ellery Sara Swenson due May 25th - praying for safe delivery for baby and mama
329. Craft projects
330. Dancing in the rain
323. First graders
324. Spring planting
325. Perennials that actually come back after a Nevada winter - at the Swenson's
326. An awesome school staff who declared this week "Counselor Appreciation Week"
327. So You Think You Can Dance - so many memories of watching this in the hospital with Sara
328. Granddaughter Ellery Sara Swenson due May 25th - praying for safe delivery for baby and mama
329. Craft projects
330. Dancing in the rain
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Happy Mother's Day
I am so very thankful for my mother. I have always hoped to grow up to be just like her. . . and that is still my hope! Mom you are one of life's biggest blessings and you are greatly loved. I am thankful that God has so blessed me as a daughter and also as a mom. Sam. . . Heidi. . . Kari. . . Sara. . . all precious, precious gifts!
Friday, May 3, 2013
Favorites
So I left work early today. . . .just needing to be by myself. . . .one of those times when you need something, but you don't know exactly what you need. . . .or what you think you need you can't have.
I went to the cemetery wanting to sit by Sara's grave, and wouldn't you know, the groundskeeper's cart was parked right there. He was SLOWLY raking, putting down extra dirt . . . .and whatever else it is that they do. So I parked a ways away and waited for him to be done. My plan was to relax, think, pray, remember. . . .but of course all I did was worry about how long he was going to take. I finally did get some time there, but by then the sprinklers were coming on so. . . oh well. . . she's not THERE anyway.
Driving away, I tried to think of what I should do next. . . but being that I needed to use the restroom. . . I knew I would have to do it fairly quickly. I finally decided I would stop at the quick market and get pepsi freezes to take home for Woody and I. That is something that Sara and I often did, or that I picked up for her when she was feeling yucky. So I stopped, gathered my change and went inside. . . . only to find that the machine was defrosting. . . so no pepsi freezes. At that point I knew I just had to go home.
Yes, my first tendency was to want to cry, or be very annoyed. But then I imagined Sara sitting in the front seat next to me (because this sort of thing happened with us many a time). I would vent, she would laugh, and I would feel better. So I made myself laugh. It was a true "Sara" memory.
It's not about not understanding, or being angry because it isn't fair. Nothing's fair and everyone has lost people they love. Like others in similar situations, it's just about missing her so very much. I feel like I can't get enough of the memories, or I'm afraid I won't remember them all, or that they will fade away if I don't hang on. When I remember the pain Sara endured, I'm so, so thankful that she is beyond all that and rejoicing in heaven. I would never wish her back for her. I just have to deal with the wishing her back for us.
We've had many loving, encouraging notes this week, and beautiful flowers. . . .sweet thoughts from thoughtful friends. I love that Sara is remembered. I want to remember everything about her. I need to remember her favorite things, and since I am a list maker, I figure this is a good time and place.
Sara's favorites - a RANDOM listing
All her siblings (and their spouses)
The family together
Disney princesses - especially Cinderella
Red nail polish
Pedicures
Silver jewelery - especially rings
Mascara
Bubble gum
Scotchmallows
The summer after her senior year in high school
Oreos and milk
Otis Spunkmeier chocolate muffins and milk
Naming her cars - Sally and Dolly
Being aunt Sara
Stars and polka dots
The color red
Rain boots
Flip flops
Silly songs
Camp
Singing and dancing - at the same time
Reading and journaling
Gymnastics
Fluffy pillows
Soft blankets
Being in, choreographing, or helping with musicals - in any capacity
Wicked
Harry Potter
Friends - in real life and the TV show
White Christmas - and the song "Sisters"
Big sun glasses
Big lip smacker lip gloss
Target
Playing games
Quelf
Bowling
Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy
Gerber daisies
Her roommates - every single one she ever had
Her red phone - talking to and texting her friends
Worship songs - especially The Revelation Song
Bright colored socks
Lotion on her feet
Dairy Queen blizzards
Soft pretzels from the movie theater
Cherry Coke
White chocolate mochas from Starbucks
Starbucks red Christmas cups
CHRISTMAS
Red, white, and blue
Letters on lined paper
Salad with ranch dressing
Mac & cheese
Mashed potatoes
BBQs
Going to Grandma's
Painting
Making gifts
New York
So You Think You Can Dance
Cooking shows
Enchanted
The Sandlot
Little kids
Playing crazy rum
Pie with no filling - just the crust
Steamed broccoli
Bacon cheeseburgers
Starbursts and skittles (the kind in the blue bag)
Quesadillas
Laughter with friends and family
Gotta stop. That's a start for now. So thankful for memories.
I went to the cemetery wanting to sit by Sara's grave, and wouldn't you know, the groundskeeper's cart was parked right there. He was SLOWLY raking, putting down extra dirt . . . .and whatever else it is that they do. So I parked a ways away and waited for him to be done. My plan was to relax, think, pray, remember. . . .but of course all I did was worry about how long he was going to take. I finally did get some time there, but by then the sprinklers were coming on so. . . oh well. . . she's not THERE anyway.
Driving away, I tried to think of what I should do next. . . but being that I needed to use the restroom. . . I knew I would have to do it fairly quickly. I finally decided I would stop at the quick market and get pepsi freezes to take home for Woody and I. That is something that Sara and I often did, or that I picked up for her when she was feeling yucky. So I stopped, gathered my change and went inside. . . . only to find that the machine was defrosting. . . so no pepsi freezes. At that point I knew I just had to go home.
Yes, my first tendency was to want to cry, or be very annoyed. But then I imagined Sara sitting in the front seat next to me (because this sort of thing happened with us many a time). I would vent, she would laugh, and I would feel better. So I made myself laugh. It was a true "Sara" memory.
It's not about not understanding, or being angry because it isn't fair. Nothing's fair and everyone has lost people they love. Like others in similar situations, it's just about missing her so very much. I feel like I can't get enough of the memories, or I'm afraid I won't remember them all, or that they will fade away if I don't hang on. When I remember the pain Sara endured, I'm so, so thankful that she is beyond all that and rejoicing in heaven. I would never wish her back for her. I just have to deal with the wishing her back for us.
We've had many loving, encouraging notes this week, and beautiful flowers. . . .sweet thoughts from thoughtful friends. I love that Sara is remembered. I want to remember everything about her. I need to remember her favorite things, and since I am a list maker, I figure this is a good time and place.
Sara's favorites - a RANDOM listing
All her siblings (and their spouses)
The family together
Disney princesses - especially Cinderella
Red nail polish
Pedicures
Silver jewelery - especially rings
Mascara
Bubble gum
Scotchmallows
The summer after her senior year in high school
Oreos and milk
Otis Spunkmeier chocolate muffins and milk
Naming her cars - Sally and Dolly
Being aunt Sara
Stars and polka dots
The color red
Rain boots
Flip flops
Silly songs
Camp
Singing and dancing - at the same time
Reading and journaling
Gymnastics
Fluffy pillows
Soft blankets
Being in, choreographing, or helping with musicals - in any capacity
Wicked
Harry Potter
Friends - in real life and the TV show
White Christmas - and the song "Sisters"
Big sun glasses
Big lip smacker lip gloss
Target
Playing games
Quelf
Bowling
Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy
Gerber daisies
Her roommates - every single one she ever had
Her red phone - talking to and texting her friends
Worship songs - especially The Revelation Song
Bright colored socks
Lotion on her feet
Dairy Queen blizzards
Soft pretzels from the movie theater
Cherry Coke
White chocolate mochas from Starbucks
Starbucks red Christmas cups
CHRISTMAS
Red, white, and blue
Letters on lined paper
Salad with ranch dressing
Mac & cheese
Mashed potatoes
BBQs
Going to Grandma's
Painting
Making gifts
New York
So You Think You Can Dance
Cooking shows
Enchanted
The Sandlot
Little kids
Playing crazy rum
Pie with no filling - just the crust
Steamed broccoli
Bacon cheeseburgers
Starbursts and skittles (the kind in the blue bag)
Quesadillas
Laughter with friends and family
Gotta stop. That's a start for now. So thankful for memories.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
beginnings. . . . . and endings. . . . and beginnings
May 1st . . . April, May, and June are filled with memories of beginnings and endings. I guess that is not really anything phenomenal, we could all probably say that about any month or season. That is life. . . . beginnings and endings and the story in between. The pain in Sara's knee became more than a minor discomfort in April of 2009. She came home in May and we made an appointment with the doctor for June 4th. Her treatment for osteosarcoma started immediately. In April of 2010 Sara completed her protocol of chemo and her second lung surgery. May and June were months of recovery, physical therapy, a "final" leg surgery, and plans for resuming her life. May 2nd of 2011 was the end of Sara's life here on earth. I still don't understand it, I still don't want to accept it, I still struggle against it. . . . . but I am beyond thankful that for Sara, that ending was just a glorious new beginning. I will also always be thankful for those two years we had with Sara. It was two years of recognizing and appreciating all the things we loved about her, and never taking her for granted. That was a gift, and I know we were blessed.
On days when the choice to get up and keep going is particularly difficult, I realize that I have neglected to grab hold of what God continually offers. That is also a choice that is sometimes just hard to make.
I need to continue my "thankful list".
311. The vastness of God's grace and mercy
312. Busy days that pass quickly
313. Lasting friendships
314. That VHS can become DVD - memories of good times
315. When an ending becomes a better beginning
316. Face time - both real and virtual
317. New green growth coming up through plants we thought were dead
318. Open windows
319. Spring flowers
320. New recipes - like curry chicken
321. Family
Gotta go to work. . . . . .
On days when the choice to get up and keep going is particularly difficult, I realize that I have neglected to grab hold of what God continually offers. That is also a choice that is sometimes just hard to make.
I need to continue my "thankful list".
311. The vastness of God's grace and mercy
312. Busy days that pass quickly
313. Lasting friendships
314. That VHS can become DVD - memories of good times
315. When an ending becomes a better beginning
316. Face time - both real and virtual
317. New green growth coming up through plants we thought were dead
318. Open windows
319. Spring flowers
320. New recipes - like curry chicken
321. Family
Gotta go to work. . . . . .
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