Birthday Blessings

Yesterday was my birthday.  I had set my expectations pretty low in anticipation of the day, or even the week.  As May rolls into June the memories that flood my mind are of my birthday in June 2009 when Woody and Sara and I headed to Reno to "get Sara's knee fixed" and then spend the day celebrating with shopping and dinner.  Instead we began our journey with Sara's cancer. 

In June 2010 Sara bought a heart charm and had it engraved on one side "June 2009" and on the other side "Phil 4:13".  She was done with her year of treatment and set to move forward with her life.  She said she wanted something to always remind her of what God had brought her through, and she wore it on a bracelet.  I wear that charm now, and I will always remember.

There's a line in a song. . . ."HE gives and takes away, HE gives and takes away.  My heart will choose to say, 'Lord, blessed be Your name!"  It's hard to accept God taking Sara away, but He has given me so much.  My birthday was a great reminder of that.  Thankful list continued. . . .

331.  My parents. . . I miss my Dad. . . my mom is absolutely AMAZING!
332.  My brother and his family. . . don't get to see them much. . . love them to pieces
333.  My husband. . . such a blessing. . . and his family . . . blessings overflowing
334.  Our kids and their spouses. . . .they fill my heart
335.  Early morning phone calls
336.  Grandkids. . . oh what absolute JOY!
337.  Ellery Sara Swenson born 5/29. . . . pure preciousness!
338.  Airplanes!!
339.  Friends and family near and far. . . . gifts from God every one
340.  A job I love. . . with a staff and kids that are absolutely wonderful!
341.  Laughter with co-workers. . .even when things are hectic and crazy
342.  A ga-zillion birthday wishes and hugs from my kids at school
343.  Watching kids grow up. . . investing in their lives. . . loving them
344.  High school kids. . . graduations
345.  Flowers. . . fun pots/containers. . . watering early in the morning or late in the evening
346.  Summertime
347.  Planning musicals
348. The end of a school year
349.  Memories. . .
350.  The grace and mercy of God that gets us through each day!

. . . . . could go on and on. . . . gotta go to work. . . .second to the last day of school with kids!

Blessings in a Bucket

After 17 years of living in our house, we have finally gotten around to doing some landscaping in our backyard.  It took us a long time to figure out what we wanted to do, but now it's kind of fun to have some trees and plants out there. . . and to see which ones we can actually keep living and growing!

This weekend, I decided I needed some "containers with character" that I could fill with flowers to add some interest and color.   My dear friend has a store here in Fallon called "Blessings in a Bucket".  Besides loving the name of the shop, I just had a hunch that she would have the sort of treasures I was looking for . . . and I was not disappointed.   I think this is going to be my on-going summer project. . . . collecting containers and planting flowers! 

I also found a RED table . . . which reminded me of Sara.  It makes a perfect addition to our back porch "chair time"! 

Ellery Sara Swenson

Today is the birthday of our second grandchild and first granddaughter.  Sam and Kimberly are the proud parents of this little (actually not so little) bundle of pure joy.  Ellery was born this morning weighing 9lbs 14oz, and 22.5 inches long.  It is already evident that she will have her daddy wrapped around her little finger.  We are so thankful for her safe delivery and that both Kimberly and Ellery are doing well.  Our hearts are in Oregon tonight. . . . and our bodies will be there as soon as possible.  So blessed!

gifts. . . .

322.  Reading stories written by 1st graders
323.  First graders
324.  Spring planting
325.  Perennials that actually come back after a Nevada winter - at the Swenson's
326.  An awesome school staff who declared this week "Counselor Appreciation Week"
327.  So You Think You Can Dance - so many memories of watching this in the hospital with Sara
328.  Granddaughter Ellery Sara Swenson due May 25th - praying for safe delivery for baby and mama
329.  Craft projects
330.  Dancing in the rain 

Happy Mother's Day

I am so very thankful for my mother.  I have always hoped to grow up to be just like her. . . and that is still my hope!  Mom you are one of life's biggest blessings and you are greatly loved.  I am thankful that God has so blessed me as a daughter and also as a mom.  Sam. . . Heidi. . . Kari. . . Sara. . . all precious, precious gifts!

 

 

 

 

Favorites

So I left work early today. . . .just needing to be by myself. . . .one of those times when you need something, but you don't know exactly what you need. . . .or what you think you need you can't have. 
I went to the cemetery wanting to sit by Sara's grave, and wouldn't you know, the groundskeeper's cart was parked right there.  He was SLOWLY raking, putting down extra dirt . . . .and whatever else it is that they do.  So I parked a ways away and waited for him to be done.  My plan was to relax, think, pray, remember. . . .but of course all I did was worry about how long he was going to take.  I finally did get some time there, but by then the sprinklers were coming on so. . . oh well. . . she's not THERE anyway. 

Driving away, I tried to think of what I should do next. . . but being that I needed to use the restroom. . . I knew I would have to do it fairly quickly.   I finally decided I would stop at the quick market and get pepsi freezes to take home for Woody and I.  That is something that Sara and I often did, or that I picked up for her when she was feeling yucky.  So I stopped, gathered my change and went inside. . . . only to find that the machine was defrosting. . . so no pepsi freezes.  At that point I knew I just had to go home.
Yes, my first tendency was to want to cry, or be very annoyed.  But then I imagined Sara sitting in the front seat next to me (because this sort of thing happened with us many a time).  I would vent, she would laugh, and I would feel better.  So I made myself laugh.  It was a true "Sara" memory. 

It's not about not understanding, or being angry because it isn't fair.  Nothing's fair and everyone has lost people they love.  Like others in similar situations, it's just about missing her so very much.  I feel like I can't get enough of the memories, or I'm afraid I won't remember them all, or that they will fade away if I don't hang on.  When I remember the pain Sara endured, I'm so, so thankful that she is beyond all that and rejoicing in heaven.  I would never wish her back for her.  I just have to deal with the wishing her back for us.

We've had many loving, encouraging notes this week, and beautiful flowers. . . .sweet thoughts from thoughtful friends.  I love that Sara is remembered.  I want to remember everything about her.  I need to remember her favorite things, and since I am a list maker, I figure this is a good time and place. 

Sara's favorites - a RANDOM listing
All her siblings (and their spouses)
The family together
Disney princesses - especially Cinderella
Red nail polish
Pedicures
Silver jewelery - especially rings
Mascara
Bubble gum
Scotchmallows
The summer after her senior year in high school
Oreos and milk
Otis Spunkmeier chocolate muffins and milk
Naming her cars - Sally and Dolly
Being aunt Sara
Stars and polka dots
The color red
Rain boots
Flip flops
Silly songs
Camp
Singing and dancing - at the same time
Reading and journaling
Gymnastics
Fluffy pillows
Soft blankets
Being in, choreographing, or helping with musicals - in any capacity
Wicked
Harry Potter
Friends - in real life and the TV show
White Christmas - and the song "Sisters"
Big sun glasses
Big lip smacker lip gloss
Target
Playing games
Quelf
Bowling
Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy
Gerber daisies
Her roommates - every single one she ever had
Her red phone - talking to and texting her friends
Worship songs - especially The Revelation Song
Bright colored socks
Lotion on her feet
Dairy Queen blizzards
Soft pretzels from the movie theater
Cherry Coke
White chocolate mochas from Starbucks
Starbucks red Christmas cups
CHRISTMAS
Red, white, and blue
Letters on lined paper
Salad with ranch dressing
Mac & cheese
Mashed potatoes
BBQs
Going to Grandma's
Painting
Making gifts
New York
So You Think You Can Dance
Cooking shows
Enchanted
The Sandlot
Little kids
Playing crazy rum
Pie with no filling - just the crust
Steamed broccoli
Bacon cheeseburgers
Starbursts and skittles (the kind in the blue bag)
Quesadillas
Laughter with friends and family

Gotta stop.  That's a start for now.  So thankful for memories. 

beginnings. . . . . and endings. . . . and beginnings

May 1st . . .  April, May, and June are filled with memories of beginnings and endings.  I guess that is not really anything phenomenal, we could all probably say that about any month or season.  That is life. . . . beginnings and endings and the story in between.  The pain in Sara's knee became more than a minor discomfort in April of 2009.  She came home in May and we made an appointment with the doctor for June 4th.  Her treatment for osteosarcoma started immediately.  In April of 2010 Sara completed her protocol of chemo and her second lung surgery.  May and June were months of recovery, physical therapy, a "final" leg surgery, and plans for resuming her life.  May 2nd of 2011 was the end of Sara's life here on earth.   I still don't understand it, I still don't want to accept it, I still struggle against it. . . . . but I am beyond thankful that for Sara, that ending was just a glorious new beginning.  I will also always be thankful for those two years we had with Sara.  It was two years of recognizing and appreciating all the things we loved about her, and never taking her for granted.  That was a gift, and I know we were blessed. 

On days when the choice to get up and keep going is particularly difficult, I realize that I have neglected to grab hold of what God continually offers.  That is also a choice that is sometimes just hard to make. 
I need to continue my "thankful list".

311.  The vastness of God's grace and mercy
312.  Busy days that pass quickly
313.  Lasting friendships
314.  That VHS can become DVD - memories of good times
315.  When an ending becomes a better beginning
316.  Face time - both real and virtual
317.  New green growth coming up through plants we thought were dead
318.  Open windows
319.  Spring flowers
320.  New recipes - like curry chicken
321.  Family

Gotta go to work. . . . . .