Saying Yes

My friend, Courtney, asked me to come and share Sara's story for her girl's Bible study next week.  I think about Sara all the time, but I don't talk about her much (except here).  Even with family and close friends it is still difficult.  I am not one to like to talk in front of groups.  I work as an elementary school counselor and most of what I do is to listen.  But, I love being with kids, which is one of the things God used to gently push me to say yes to Courtney.

I didn't realize until Courtney asked me to do this how much I WANT to talk about Sara.  My thoughts go in so many directions when I try to think of what I should share, that I knew I had to write it down.  I started writing my thoughts several weeks ago when Courtney called, and every few days I have the need to add to it or rearrange something.  I started collecting things that I wanted to bring to show the girls, because I want them to know Sara.  But I know Sara would be saying, especially now, "Mom, they need to know JESUS!"  I feel like I could go on and on and on because there is so much to tell.  In a way her story doesn't end, because we are still here being affected by her life.  And, after all, it is really the story of God working in our lives, which never ends. 

I know God orchestrated this, through the timing of Courtney's call, and even the timing of my reading the book the girls have been going through.  I wrote the majority of Sara's Story before I read "A Miracle for Jen", which I'm sure was God's doing because of all the ups and downs my emotions went through as I read the book.  I think it is hard for all of us not to compare our life stories, but God does not work in all of us exactly the same way.  For each of us, it is about our PERSONAL relationship with Jesus and what He wants to do in and through us.  His character is constant, His grace, His mercy, His offer of salvation, and He loves us all the same, but we are all in different places.  With Jen and Sara, their stories are very different, and yet there are so many similarities.  I could hear Sara in some of Jen's journal entries, and found myself reading some of Linda Barrick's words and saying, "That's exactly how I feel!"

A couple of things stood out for me. . .
1.  We all have a story, the story of what God is doing in our lives.  No matter how much we plan, we can't always know or understand what each chapter will be like.  Isn't it incredible that God is always present. . . lovingly guiding us, and writing all of our stories, ALL AT THE SAME TIME?  He cares for all of us, working differently in each individual, all for our good and His glory.  It's kind of hard to wrap your mind around, that He is present with each of us, all the time.
2.  We need to have a "child-like" faith in Jesus.  That phrase in Matthew where Jesus says, ". . . you must become like a child. . . ", became more clear to me.  Both Linda Barrick and I see our daughters as having a stronger faith than our own.  I think it is that "child-like" faith that can totally surrender and find total sufficiency in Christ.  The faith that says. . . "I cannot do it myself.  I trust You, Lord, to handle it all.  I'll love You and praise You no matter what."  Even though it is easy to say "I am trusting God", we, or I, usually turn around and struggle to take control again.  For me, it has to be a constant re-focusing.  I feel kind of like the little kid that stubbornly keeps saying . . ."I can do it myself!". . . even when I KNOW I can't, and I don't really even want to!

This quote from Jen's mom grabbed hold of my heart.  I feel like God wants this to be a part of my story as well as hers.  In fact, I think this is probably His desire for all of us.  (Page 203 "A Miracle For Jen")  "I remain in awe of the power of Jennifer's testimony.  I came to realize that our story isn't the story of a car accident.  Our story is the story of God's grace and the working out of His perfect will in our lives.  It's the story of faith that allows me to trust God even when I don't understand His plan.  It's the story of embracing life one day at a time, letting go of past regrets and leaving tomorrow's problems for tomorrow.  It's the story of giving up the dreams I had for the reality I now have.   It's the story of celebrating the overflowing blessings God has given me rather than mourning what I've lost.  It's the story of resting in the Lord and finding contentment in my life today."  So true, but hard to do on a daily basis.  No way can I do this in my own strength!  I'd appreciate prayers as I share with the girls next week. . .that what I say would be what God wants me to share.