I'm reading a new book by one of my favorite current authors. The author is Shauna Niequist. She has written two other books that I have already talked about on caringbridge posts or earlier blog posts. "Cold Tangerines" was her first, then "Bittersweet", and her new book is "Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes". I love this woman. I love her writing, I love her genuineness, I love her perspective, I love her humor, I love her love of food. We have nothing in common, and yet we have everything in common. (hard to explain) I highly recommend this book.
This book is full of Shauna's life and learning experiences, and also recipes that are tied to those memories. The funny thing is, I have always said that I really don't enjoy cooking. Then why is it that I love to READ about cooking, and since Sara's illness, have also developed a love of cooking shows like Chopped or Cupcake Wars? I remember when my kids were all young and I was reading some novel about a pioneer family. I don't even remember what it was. At some point in the novel, the mom was making applesauce cookies with her kids. . .big golden brown cookies the size of your palm, soft and warm from the oven, fragrant with the fresh Fall scent of apples and cinnamon, bursting with plump, juicy raisins. I think I stopped right there, went to find my Betty Crocker cook book, and found the closest thing I could find to a recipe for applesauce cookies. (this was before google) Brown sugar drops sounded close, substituting applesauce and butter for vegetable oil and shortening, adding liberal spoonfuls of cinnamon, clove, and nutmeg. . . .and of course substituting chocolate chips for the raisins (even though plump, juicy raisins sounded good in print. . . I knew that oooey, gooey chocolate chips would taste much better). The cookies were a huge hit with my family, and actually permanently displaced Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip cookies in our household from then on.
Anyway, all that to say, there is just something to reading about delicious foods and the art of putting them together, the words that make your mouth water until you imagine that you can actually taste the sweet or savory creation. . .the words that can actually make someone like me want to get up and go to the kitchen. . . amazing! If you know me, or paid any attention to all the "substitutions" I listed above, you know that I'm not great at following a recipe when I cook. I can't seem to help myself when it comes to leaving out things that don't sound good to me, adding extra ingredients, or just adding more of the things that DO sound good. So, you can imagine my elation when reading through a certain chapter in Shauna's book where she said. . . "Following a recipe is like playing scales, but COOKING is like playing jazz." I LOVE it!!
The concepts Shauna puts forth in her book are so much deeper than just food and cooking. I know I am going to go back and re-read this book when I'm done, to mull it all over and let it sink in. But it has been fun to have an immediate connection through some of my recent cooking experiences. Because I continue to have such a hard time sleeping at night, I have been browsing for ideas about healthy foods to eat in the evening that might help with that problem. I found a recipe for "lullaby muffins" that includes several ingredients said to induce a good's night's rest. Mashed bananas, applesauce, whole wheat flour, almonds, oats, milk, and honey are the ingredients I remember. Sounds like it could be a winner, right? Definitely not!! I actually did follow the recipe (except for adding several shakes of cinnamon, which just needs to be included in anything with applesauce), but I wouldn't really even call the result a muffin. The next recipe I tried was for some healthy cookies (because I am also trying very hard to lose some weight, but struggle with the craving for something sweet - and baked). These also included mashed bananas, applesauce, and oats (and I added chocolate chips since I believe they should be included in most every cookie). These did not taste like, or even resemble anything close to a cookie! As I thought over those two baking disasters, I asked myself why I even tried those recipes, when I don't really like, and rarely eat bananas. ?? During my later browsings, I read that one of the foods you should never eat if you want to lose weight is a banana. Done and done!
Before I close, I do want to share two recipes that have been successes in the past couple of weeks.
The first is a kale salad, a recipe I got from Heidi. Notice that I don't give measures. Sorry, that is one of my big culinary flaws. (or, just the way I play jazz) :)
Chopped kale
Carrot matchsticks
Toasted slivered almonds
Craisins
Shredded parmesan cheese
Grilled chicken
Dressing: Olive oil, lemon juice & zest, crushed red pepper, garlic, salt & pepper
This was delicious. Woody even liked it. The other recipe is one I made up as a result of reading that black beans are good for keeping your body from storing fat. I call it chicken & black bean nachos. I'm thinking the "not storing fat" part probably only works if you eat one SMALL helping.
Cut chicken breasts in small pieces, place in baking dish, and cover with taco sauce or salsa
Bake at 350 for about 40 minutes
Add black beans, chopped green onions, chopped sweet peppers, chopped cilantro
Top with shredded cheddar cheese and bake 10-15 more minutes
Eat with your favorite tortilla chips
I'm ashamed to say Woody and I didn't have any leftovers. We probably stored a little fat!
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Dear Sara. . .
Dear Sara,
There are so many memories that make me smile. There are so many memories that make my heart ache with missing you so much. Maybe this time of year makes me miss you more. I miss competing with you while watching Wheel of Fortune when I come home from work. I miss thinking of what we'll have for dessert before deciding what we'll have for dinner. I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss hearing your voice, I miss talking to you on the phone. I miss you on our road trips. . . every time I walk into a public restroom and see the handicap stall I think of how much we laughed while you were in your brace and couldn't bend your leg. (difficult and frustrating at the time - but at least we laughed!)
I often call you on your phone, just to hear your sweet voice say, "I can't get to my phone right now, but leave a message and I'll call you back." It helps somehow. I think of you in heaven, laughing, because of course you can't get to your phone right now! After a long day at school today, I got in the car and pushed speed dial #6, just to hear you for a moment. Apparently all of our phones have had some kind of technical overall (I remember having to redo my voicemail last weekend), and your message was gone. Just gone. I know you are probably saying. . . . "It's time mom. It's kind of ridiculous that you have been paying for my phone for almost two years, when I don't need it anymore." I know that's true, and I suppose God knew it had to happen that way or we would never have been able to cancel your phone, but oh how my heart hurts.
So, instead of a phone call, I'll write you a letter on lined paper.
Love you so much,
Mom
There are so many memories that make me smile. There are so many memories that make my heart ache with missing you so much. Maybe this time of year makes me miss you more. I miss competing with you while watching Wheel of Fortune when I come home from work. I miss thinking of what we'll have for dessert before deciding what we'll have for dinner. I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss hearing your voice, I miss talking to you on the phone. I miss you on our road trips. . . every time I walk into a public restroom and see the handicap stall I think of how much we laughed while you were in your brace and couldn't bend your leg. (difficult and frustrating at the time - but at least we laughed!)
I often call you on your phone, just to hear your sweet voice say, "I can't get to my phone right now, but leave a message and I'll call you back." It helps somehow. I think of you in heaven, laughing, because of course you can't get to your phone right now! After a long day at school today, I got in the car and pushed speed dial #6, just to hear you for a moment. Apparently all of our phones have had some kind of technical overall (I remember having to redo my voicemail last weekend), and your message was gone. Just gone. I know you are probably saying. . . . "It's time mom. It's kind of ridiculous that you have been paying for my phone for almost two years, when I don't need it anymore." I know that's true, and I suppose God knew it had to happen that way or we would never have been able to cancel your phone, but oh how my heart hurts.
So, instead of a phone call, I'll write you a letter on lined paper.
Love you so much,
Mom
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
continued thankful list. . . .
297. Wyatt Reed Timmerman - 3 years old today
298. Time spent with all of our kids - missed you Brady! (and Sara)
299. Oregon rain
300. Original Pancake House in Salem now serves pumpkin pancakes year round - YES!
301. Anticipation of more grandbabies - Ellery Sara Swenson coming May 25th and Baby Boy
Timmerman coming mid-August
302. Being back to the same time zone as AZ - early morning chats with Heidi
303. Last quarter of the school year
304. An incredibly patient husband that puts up with so much from me
305. Spring snow & warm blankets
306. Forecast of a sunny weekend
307. Dreams
308. New mercies every morning
309. Counting blessings
310. Choices
298. Time spent with all of our kids - missed you Brady! (and Sara)
299. Oregon rain
300. Original Pancake House in Salem now serves pumpkin pancakes year round - YES!
301. Anticipation of more grandbabies - Ellery Sara Swenson coming May 25th and Baby Boy
Timmerman coming mid-August
302. Being back to the same time zone as AZ - early morning chats with Heidi
303. Last quarter of the school year
304. An incredibly patient husband that puts up with so much from me
305. Spring snow & warm blankets
306. Forecast of a sunny weekend
307. Dreams
308. New mercies every morning
309. Counting blessings
310. Choices
Friday, March 15, 2013
Thankful
Monday night was a gift for me. It was helpful to have a reason to write, and pour out Sara's story that is ongoing in my heart. It is a good thing I wrote it because by the time I got to Courtney's house I couldn't put two clear thoughts together in my head. It was hard to read out loud. . . . but also good for me. The girls and the moms who were there were so sweet and supportive. I hope it was somehow helpful in their lives as well. I am sure God is working in a million ways, not just in me. It is amazing how perfectly He works. For me, it was exactly what I needed at the moment. . . including where and with whom. I still wished Sara could have been there with me. . . but I could say that with a smile.
Woody is in Minnesota visiting his mom and family. So thankful for all of them. I think he might have found a place to set up shop for retirement!
I especially love the sign at the bottom!
291. Woody - my amazing husband, partner, friend
292. Looking for laughter
293. Eating ice cream right before going to bed
294. Crazy dreams that occur - perhaps as a result of #293
295. That crazy dreams are just dreams
296. New mercies every morning
Woody is in Minnesota visiting his mom and family. So thankful for all of them. I think he might have found a place to set up shop for retirement!
292. Looking for laughter
293. Eating ice cream right before going to bed
294. Crazy dreams that occur - perhaps as a result of #293
295. That crazy dreams are just dreams
296. New mercies every morning
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Saying Yes
My friend, Courtney, asked me to come and share Sara's story for her girl's Bible study next week. I think about Sara all the time, but I don't talk about her much (except here). Even with family and close friends it is still difficult. I am not one to like to talk in front of groups. I work as an elementary school counselor and most of what I do is to listen. But, I love being with kids, which is one of the things God used to gently push me to say yes to Courtney.
I didn't realize until Courtney asked me to do this how much I WANT to talk about Sara. My thoughts go in so many directions when I try to think of what I should share, that I knew I had to write it down. I started writing my thoughts several weeks ago when Courtney called, and every few days I have the need to add to it or rearrange something. I started collecting things that I wanted to bring to show the girls, because I want them to know Sara. But I know Sara would be saying, especially now, "Mom, they need to know JESUS!" I feel like I could go on and on and on because there is so much to tell. In a way her story doesn't end, because we are still here being affected by her life. And, after all, it is really the story of God working in our lives, which never ends.
I know God orchestrated this, through the timing of Courtney's call, and even the timing of my reading the book the girls have been going through. I wrote the majority of Sara's Story before I read "A Miracle for Jen", which I'm sure was God's doing because of all the ups and downs my emotions went through as I read the book. I think it is hard for all of us not to compare our life stories, but God does not work in all of us exactly the same way. For each of us, it is about our PERSONAL relationship with Jesus and what He wants to do in and through us. His character is constant, His grace, His mercy, His offer of salvation, and He loves us all the same, but we are all in different places. With Jen and Sara, their stories are very different, and yet there are so many similarities. I could hear Sara in some of Jen's journal entries, and found myself reading some of Linda Barrick's words and saying, "That's exactly how I feel!"
A couple of things stood out for me. . .
1. We all have a story, the story of what God is doing in our lives. No matter how much we plan, we can't always know or understand what each chapter will be like. Isn't it incredible that God is always present. . . lovingly guiding us, and writing all of our stories, ALL AT THE SAME TIME? He cares for all of us, working differently in each individual, all for our good and His glory. It's kind of hard to wrap your mind around, that He is present with each of us, all the time.
2. We need to have a "child-like" faith in Jesus. That phrase in Matthew where Jesus says, ". . . you must become like a child. . . ", became more clear to me. Both Linda Barrick and I see our daughters as having a stronger faith than our own. I think it is that "child-like" faith that can totally surrender and find total sufficiency in Christ. The faith that says. . . "I cannot do it myself. I trust You, Lord, to handle it all. I'll love You and praise You no matter what." Even though it is easy to say "I am trusting God", we, or I, usually turn around and struggle to take control again. For me, it has to be a constant re-focusing. I feel kind of like the little kid that stubbornly keeps saying . . ."I can do it myself!". . . even when I KNOW I can't, and I don't really even want to!
This quote from Jen's mom grabbed hold of my heart. I feel like God wants this to be a part of my story as well as hers. In fact, I think this is probably His desire for all of us. (Page 203 "A Miracle For Jen") "I remain in awe of the power of Jennifer's testimony. I came to realize that our story isn't the story of a car accident. Our story is the story of God's grace and the working out of His perfect will in our lives. It's the story of faith that allows me to trust God even when I don't understand His plan. It's the story of embracing life one day at a time, letting go of past regrets and leaving tomorrow's problems for tomorrow. It's the story of giving up the dreams I had for the reality I now have. It's the story of celebrating the overflowing blessings God has given me rather than mourning what I've lost. It's the story of resting in the Lord and finding contentment in my life today." So true, but hard to do on a daily basis. No way can I do this in my own strength! I'd appreciate prayers as I share with the girls next week. . .that what I say would be what God wants me to share.
I didn't realize until Courtney asked me to do this how much I WANT to talk about Sara. My thoughts go in so many directions when I try to think of what I should share, that I knew I had to write it down. I started writing my thoughts several weeks ago when Courtney called, and every few days I have the need to add to it or rearrange something. I started collecting things that I wanted to bring to show the girls, because I want them to know Sara. But I know Sara would be saying, especially now, "Mom, they need to know JESUS!" I feel like I could go on and on and on because there is so much to tell. In a way her story doesn't end, because we are still here being affected by her life. And, after all, it is really the story of God working in our lives, which never ends.
I know God orchestrated this, through the timing of Courtney's call, and even the timing of my reading the book the girls have been going through. I wrote the majority of Sara's Story before I read "A Miracle for Jen", which I'm sure was God's doing because of all the ups and downs my emotions went through as I read the book. I think it is hard for all of us not to compare our life stories, but God does not work in all of us exactly the same way. For each of us, it is about our PERSONAL relationship with Jesus and what He wants to do in and through us. His character is constant, His grace, His mercy, His offer of salvation, and He loves us all the same, but we are all in different places. With Jen and Sara, their stories are very different, and yet there are so many similarities. I could hear Sara in some of Jen's journal entries, and found myself reading some of Linda Barrick's words and saying, "That's exactly how I feel!"
A couple of things stood out for me. . .
1. We all have a story, the story of what God is doing in our lives. No matter how much we plan, we can't always know or understand what each chapter will be like. Isn't it incredible that God is always present. . . lovingly guiding us, and writing all of our stories, ALL AT THE SAME TIME? He cares for all of us, working differently in each individual, all for our good and His glory. It's kind of hard to wrap your mind around, that He is present with each of us, all the time.
2. We need to have a "child-like" faith in Jesus. That phrase in Matthew where Jesus says, ". . . you must become like a child. . . ", became more clear to me. Both Linda Barrick and I see our daughters as having a stronger faith than our own. I think it is that "child-like" faith that can totally surrender and find total sufficiency in Christ. The faith that says. . . "I cannot do it myself. I trust You, Lord, to handle it all. I'll love You and praise You no matter what." Even though it is easy to say "I am trusting God", we, or I, usually turn around and struggle to take control again. For me, it has to be a constant re-focusing. I feel kind of like the little kid that stubbornly keeps saying . . ."I can do it myself!". . . even when I KNOW I can't, and I don't really even want to!
This quote from Jen's mom grabbed hold of my heart. I feel like God wants this to be a part of my story as well as hers. In fact, I think this is probably His desire for all of us. (Page 203 "A Miracle For Jen") "I remain in awe of the power of Jennifer's testimony. I came to realize that our story isn't the story of a car accident. Our story is the story of God's grace and the working out of His perfect will in our lives. It's the story of faith that allows me to trust God even when I don't understand His plan. It's the story of embracing life one day at a time, letting go of past regrets and leaving tomorrow's problems for tomorrow. It's the story of giving up the dreams I had for the reality I now have. It's the story of celebrating the overflowing blessings God has given me rather than mourning what I've lost. It's the story of resting in the Lord and finding contentment in my life today." So true, but hard to do on a daily basis. No way can I do this in my own strength! I'd appreciate prayers as I share with the girls next week. . .that what I say would be what God wants me to share.
Friday, March 1, 2013
My God is SO BIG
I'm reading a book called "A Miracle For Jen". It's the story of a family involved in a serious car accident, and their struggle through recovery. It is told by the mom who was critically injured herself, as she chronicles their journey with their teenaged daughter, who suffered severe brain injury. Their pain and suffering is horrific, but their faith is strong, and their story full of praise to God.
It makes me think of the magnitude of our God. Huge, immense, enormous, vast, great, BIG . . . I feel like I can't think of words that are big enough to describe His power, His character, or His presence!
We each have our own situations where we see God's hand and feel His presence. Our joys, our sorrows, our trials, our own small slice of life. Do you ever consider how God loves, is present, and working in everyone's lives simultaneously, and has been since the beginning of time? It is hard to wrap my mind around that concept. And in every situation His character and His presence are SO BIG!
We don't always feel Him near, or recognize His hand. . .I believe that is our own limitation. Faith requires believing even when we don't see or feel.
Good reading in Sarah Young's "Jesus Lives" for today. . .
ADVERSITY
"No matter what hardships the world may throw at you, you have, in Me, everything you need to persevere. Despair is a deep pit, and sometimes you totter around its edges, precariously close to falling in. Your only hope at such times is to fix your eyes on Me. The more perplexed you are, bewildered by complex circumstances, the easier it is to lose your balance. To keep from falling, you must change your focus from your circumstances to My Presence. This requires strenuous effort on your part, because you have not fully accepted the limitations of your mind. Your natural tendency is to keep thinking about a difficult situation, trying to figure it out. I am always near, eager to help you change your focus.
Though you may be hard pressed on every side, you need not be crushed by your difficulties. You are not alone in your battles because I will never abandon you. I am the Shepherd and Guardian of your soul. I give you eternal life and you will never perish. No one can snatch you out of My hand."
288. The greatness of God - small word - HUGE concept
289. The stories of others
290. Today
It makes me think of the magnitude of our God. Huge, immense, enormous, vast, great, BIG . . . I feel like I can't think of words that are big enough to describe His power, His character, or His presence!
We each have our own situations where we see God's hand and feel His presence. Our joys, our sorrows, our trials, our own small slice of life. Do you ever consider how God loves, is present, and working in everyone's lives simultaneously, and has been since the beginning of time? It is hard to wrap my mind around that concept. And in every situation His character and His presence are SO BIG!
We don't always feel Him near, or recognize His hand. . .I believe that is our own limitation. Faith requires believing even when we don't see or feel.
Good reading in Sarah Young's "Jesus Lives" for today. . .
ADVERSITY
"No matter what hardships the world may throw at you, you have, in Me, everything you need to persevere. Despair is a deep pit, and sometimes you totter around its edges, precariously close to falling in. Your only hope at such times is to fix your eyes on Me. The more perplexed you are, bewildered by complex circumstances, the easier it is to lose your balance. To keep from falling, you must change your focus from your circumstances to My Presence. This requires strenuous effort on your part, because you have not fully accepted the limitations of your mind. Your natural tendency is to keep thinking about a difficult situation, trying to figure it out. I am always near, eager to help you change your focus.
Though you may be hard pressed on every side, you need not be crushed by your difficulties. You are not alone in your battles because I will never abandon you. I am the Shepherd and Guardian of your soul. I give you eternal life and you will never perish. No one can snatch you out of My hand."
288. The greatness of God - small word - HUGE concept
289. The stories of others
290. Today
Monday, February 18, 2013
Thankful
I haven't felt able to write much since Christmas time. There are so many things that I am thankful for, and yet there is so much that still causes me to feel so unsettled.
I had a phone call last weekend that caused me to look again at Sara's journal. I just happened to open it on February 11th, to be reminded that February 11, 2011 was the date she started that journal. Reading that entry, and the entries that followed, I felt like I heard Sara's heart again. She constantly prayed that God will heal her if it was His will. She wanted to share her story and tell others all the amazing things that God was doing in her life. At the same time, her journals are also full of her acceptance of whatever it was God had for her. Over and over are statements of her faith, that she knew He loved her, and she trusted Him. Her faith is an example to me. I realized again my selfishness.
This past weekend I was blessed to spend a few days in Arizona with Heidi and with Kari. We had a girls weekend, and we savored every second of it. It was the two-year anniversary of Sara's graduation celebration with the whole family in Reno. The president of Corban University came to personally give Sara her diploma in February of 2011. Like so many other things in that journey, it was bittersweet. It was such a blessing to Sara, and yet even though we didn't let ourselves think it, we knew it was happening because Sara's time on earth was going to be cut short.
Sara was still a part of our girls weekend. She will always be a part of everything, because she will always be a part of us. I will always love to share her story and to share her faith. Thank you Lord.
278. Time with my girls
279. The closeness of family
280. Fun food
281. Sales
282. Antique stores
283. Baby clothes
284. Unique books
285. Journaling
286. God's perfect timing
287. Every perfect gift from above
I had a phone call last weekend that caused me to look again at Sara's journal. I just happened to open it on February 11th, to be reminded that February 11, 2011 was the date she started that journal. Reading that entry, and the entries that followed, I felt like I heard Sara's heart again. She constantly prayed that God will heal her if it was His will. She wanted to share her story and tell others all the amazing things that God was doing in her life. At the same time, her journals are also full of her acceptance of whatever it was God had for her. Over and over are statements of her faith, that she knew He loved her, and she trusted Him. Her faith is an example to me. I realized again my selfishness.
This past weekend I was blessed to spend a few days in Arizona with Heidi and with Kari. We had a girls weekend, and we savored every second of it. It was the two-year anniversary of Sara's graduation celebration with the whole family in Reno. The president of Corban University came to personally give Sara her diploma in February of 2011. Like so many other things in that journey, it was bittersweet. It was such a blessing to Sara, and yet even though we didn't let ourselves think it, we knew it was happening because Sara's time on earth was going to be cut short.
Sara was still a part of our girls weekend. She will always be a part of everything, because she will always be a part of us. I will always love to share her story and to share her faith. Thank you Lord.
278. Time with my girls
279. The closeness of family
280. Fun food
281. Sales
282. Antique stores
283. Baby clothes
284. Unique books
285. Journaling
286. God's perfect timing
287. Every perfect gift from above
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