I do not understand God's timing. I do not see or understand His big picture. I do not know all the things I want to know about how it all works, and why things have to happen they way they do. I have to admit I struggle daily to trust Him. Doubt can easily creep in and gain a hold. I can't quite figure out if it is my head or my heart, because both seem to take turns struggling and then gaining a measure of peace. It sounds crazy even as I write this. . . but maybe that is how we have conversations with ourselves . . . between our head and our heart. Or am I just an odd duck that does that?
We got a phone call from Nancy at Corban University earlier this week. She called to tell us that they were forwarding a package of mail to us, that had been forwarded to them from UCSF. She was so sweet and thoughtful to call and let us know it was coming. Even being forewarned, it hit our hearts when it came today. It was a package of cards and letters to Sara that must have been tucked away somewhere at the hospital for over two years. Most dated back to December of 2009 and January of 2010, when Sara was recovering from her first major lung surgery and going through some of her most intensive chemo. There were a few cards from friends here in Fallon, and a huge stack of encouragement cards from students and staff at Corban. They must have had a chapel service where they shared Sara's story and had a time of prayer for her. The students wrote how her story impacted their lives and that they would continue to pray for her. It was a very precious package, but oh, it made Woody and I both weep. I don't know why God decided Sara didn't need those notes two years ago, but that we needed to read them now. I'm so thankful to have them. Again, it's like a piece of her brought near, and I hope and pray God will continue to provide us with those remembrances. Sometimes I think Woody and I slip back into pretending that Sara is just away at Corban, going to classes and enjoying her friends. I still call her phone and listen to her voice message saying "I can't get to my phone right now, but leave a message and I'll call you right back". Oh, I wish!
Maybe it's not your faith...you seem to have more than many...maybe you are angry instead...which I believe God allows us for you can still love him... Him being the loving Father, God that he is...I believe he understands what you are going through. Continue to have your faith and he will continue to be with you...this will work out between you.
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