The only thing that seems to get easier is hiding how I truly feel. A year after Sara's death I still miss her just as much. . . my heart aches just as much. . . .there's something in me that still has a hard time believing she's never coming back. . . .and life just doesn't seem right. The daily battle is spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical. It is hard work to keep focused and to keep moving forward, for everyone. I feel like one little slip sends me sliding down the mountain I'm climbing, and into the pit of despair. I have much to be thankful for. . . . much to be thankful for. . . much to be thankful for. . . much to be thankful for. . .
I HATE to write "downer" posts, but I think that perhaps it is sometimes necessary to acknowledge the "pits" in order to be able to drag myself out again. It's been a long week.
Praying for you through this very difficult journey that you are on. Sometimes there are just no words to say, but just know many of us understand and you are not alone in your feelings or pain. God is always there with us, even if at the moment we don't sense him.
ReplyDeleteJust rest if you can. We will lift you up to the Comforter. <3
ReplyDeleteMy dearest Noreen,
ReplyDeleteYou always have such a way with words that speak for those of us that don't know how to express our feelings or don't quite get the words out right. I've never lost a child....but I have suffered losses. You are not alone on your journey. You speak for people like me....There are things that one never forgets....and never stops missing...It's been 30+ years since I lost my father....It's been 30 years since I lost the love of my life and a best freind (within a week of one another)....It's will be 25 years the Friday of Thanksgiving that I lost my mom.
It took me a long time....25+ years to admit what you just wrote. I think admitting it makes the healing a lot easier. My pain or missing loved ones has never really disappeared. Sometimes if seems like my past is peering right in front of my face....
The most important thing I've come to realize over the past 2 years (I've finally decided I wanted and prayed for true healing)....is that my lost loved one would want me to live life....I've let fear control it for so long...much longer than one should have...
The past few years have been an amazing journey for me...I seriously prayed for healing and the feeling of home that I so dearly missed all these years...And I can't believe some of the things that have actually come to pass!!!
I was just having a moment the other day...This can be an emotionally tough time of year for me....I found myself thinking of certain things and finally had to get a hold of myself. I gave myself a mini pep talk. "What would mom want you to do?" "What would mom say to you?" I found myself feeling my mother wrapping her arms around me....giving me her strength...telling me it was gonna be ok....telling me that she knew I could be brave....That I could do what I needed to do...That I should live life...That I should go for the moon....do something differnt....Creat something new. Spread my wings and Fly. It was kind of surreal....yet very reassuring.
You and yours are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Julie Jadofsky-Lynch