Why?

So, here I go.  My plan is to stop posting on caringbridge, and start writing here.  As I start this new venture, I want to explain the name of my blog site.  I don't think I would even be doing this if it weren't for Sara.  I never realized how much I love to write until we started our caringbridge site after her cancer diagnosis in June of 2009.  I had written children's programs, and various scripts for different church activities, but never just for the sake of writing what was on my mind or my heart.  It has helped me so much over the past two years, to be able to put all the thoughts and emotions swirling in my mind into words.  I have learned alot about myself, and hopefully it has helped me to grow and mature, AND to do more daily surrendering to my Savior.

Anyway, about the name of my blog. . . . "Letters on Lined Paper". . . .  When Sara lost her battle with osteosarcoma, or maybe I should say. . . when Sara claimed the victory of her life in Christ, and left this earthly life for a new home in heaven, I found out from her roommate that one thing Sara loved, was to receive letters on lined paper.  I never knew that.  It made me sad at first, because I can't remember if I ever actually sent her letters.  I know I sent notes to her at college every now and then.  But mostly it was phone calls, emails, cards, or short little notes.  That made an impression on me.  For weeks after her death, I searched everywhere for anything she had written. . . journals, letters, cards, college papers, notes in her bible, lists, ANYTHING.  It made me realize how precious the written word can be.  It also made me realize what a great writer Sara was.  It was like little pieces of herself that she had left behind.  I found two sheets of notebook paper that she had used to write out a couple of her favorite bible verses.  She started at the very top left hand corner, and then wrote around the edge, and kept going around and around, until she finished at the middle of the paper, just writing out the verses over and over again.  The two verses were; Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.", and Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope."  I am pretty sure that she wrote those verses out during the months AFTER she found out that her cancer had returned, and the doctors were giving her no hope for recovery.  What amazing faith!

I have had people suggest that I put our caringbridge journals (along with Sara's prayer journals) into a book.  That is something that I think I would love to do, but truth be told, I am not exactly sure what that process looks like, or how to go about it.  For now, I am going to try writing on this blog.  If a book were to ever come about, I think that I would like the title to be "Letters on Lined Paper", in honor of Sara.  It helps me in my grieving process to write.  If perhaps it can help someone else to read what I've written, that is a double delight to my heart. 

I posted this on caringbridge, but I am going to post it again here, because this is part of the "Why?" .

To Sara

If I could write a letter straight to heaven above,
I'd send it on lined paper, and say how much you're loved.
I'd ask you how you're doing, what you see and think and feel,
and how it feels to dance again, as you see God's face for real!
I'd ask what songs you're singing, as you lift your voice in praise.
I bet breath control is better than it was in cancer days!
I wish that I could call you, or text you on your phone,
or that we could go to Starbucks, or to get an ice cream cone.
I know that you are happy, free from pain and free from care.
I just wish that I could talk to you, to hear what it's like there!