Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!
263. Time together - breaking in the new fire pit with s'mores
264. Warmth and laughter - with memories of Sara's warmth and laughter
265. And more SNOW!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Merry Christmas
Kids are leaving today . . . .so thankful for precious time and precious memories!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!
263. Time together - breaking in the new fire pit with s'mores
264. Warmth and laughter - with memories of Sara's warmth and laughter
265. And more SNOW!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!
263. Time together - breaking in the new fire pit with s'mores
264. Warmth and laughter - with memories of Sara's warmth and laughter
265. And more SNOW!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Everyday I have this conversation with myself. . . . . Everyone loses loved ones. People live, people die. People have diseases, physical, emotional, and mental ailments. . . some recover, some don't. People lose loved ones to natural disasters, to accidents, to war, and to violent crime. People have joy and happy moments, people have suffering, sorrow and heartache. We all have it in differing degrees and circumstances. . . but we all experience it all. It is a part of life here on this earth.
It reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
There is an apointed time for everything.
And there is a time for every event under heaven.
A time to give birth, and a time to die.
A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal.
A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search, and a time to give up as lost.
A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together.
A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate.
A time for war, and a time for peace.
HE has made everything appropriate in its time.
HE has also set ETERNITY in their heart. . . . . .
Eternity is set in our hearts. That is our hope in Jesus. I pray for grace and strength to share the love of Jesus in my actions and words every day. And when I am just empty, I pray for the discipline to keep my eyes upward instead of inward. I pray that I won't offend or be offended, that I can forgive and be forgiven, that I can let go of things that I can't change, or that don't matter, and trust in the love and sovereignty of my Savior. I pray that I will treasure every moment and every gift HE gives me, like Sara did.
It reminds me of Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
There is an apointed time for everything.
And there is a time for every event under heaven.
A time to give birth, and a time to die.
A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal.
A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search, and a time to give up as lost.
A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together.
A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate.
A time for war, and a time for peace.
HE has made everything appropriate in its time.
HE has also set ETERNITY in their heart. . . . . .
Eternity is set in our hearts. That is our hope in Jesus. I pray for grace and strength to share the love of Jesus in my actions and words every day. And when I am just empty, I pray for the discipline to keep my eyes upward instead of inward. I pray that I won't offend or be offended, that I can forgive and be forgiven, that I can let go of things that I can't change, or that don't matter, and trust in the love and sovereignty of my Savior. I pray that I will treasure every moment and every gift HE gives me, like Sara did.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Hope Now
I feel like I am still constantly looking for signs, or some little something. . . anything that might be a hint of a memory of Sara's presence. This morning when I got in the car to go to work, the song that came on the radio (which I had left on LOUDLY last night) was "Hope Now". I think I've said before that sometimes when a special song starts right at the beginning when I turn the radio on. . . .it feels like it is Sara saying . . . "Hey Mom, I'm good!"
In May of 2009, when Sara was getting ready to come home to help with the children's musical for a couple of months. . . . and have the doctor take a look at her "bum knee". . . .there were two songs she had told me she kind of wanted to sing at church. One was "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owen. The other was "Hope Now" by Addison Road. Although we practiced on both of them at home, she never sang either one that summer.
Hope and faith seem to be two of the things I struggle with lately. Not just because of missing Sara. . . . but also in light of all the heartache that so easily overwhelms so many, everywhere, everyday. I am thankful that God does not falter, even when I am so weak.
Everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free.
When my life is like a storm, rising waters, all I want is the shore.
You say I'll be okay and make it through the rain. You are my shelter from the storm.
In May of 2009, when Sara was getting ready to come home to help with the children's musical for a couple of months. . . . and have the doctor take a look at her "bum knee". . . .there were two songs she had told me she kind of wanted to sing at church. One was "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owen. The other was "Hope Now" by Addison Road. Although we practiced on both of them at home, she never sang either one that summer.
Hope and faith seem to be two of the things I struggle with lately. Not just because of missing Sara. . . . but also in light of all the heartache that so easily overwhelms so many, everywhere, everyday. I am thankful that God does not falter, even when I am so weak.
Everything rides on hope now, everything rides on faith somehow.
When the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free.
When my life is like a storm, rising waters, all I want is the shore.
You say I'll be okay and make it through the rain. You are my shelter from the storm.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Monday, December 10, 2012
pondering
Reading in Luke 1 and 2. . . . working on Christmas music and Christmas services. . . . love the verse in Luke 2. . . "And Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart". Can't you just imagine the things that Mary pondered?
261. That God alone knows the ponderings of our hearts - and loves us still
261. That God alone knows the ponderings of our hearts - and loves us still
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Time in a Bottle
Remember the Jim Croce song, "Time in a Bottle"? That has been going through my head. . . . only I changed the words just a little. . . . If I could save time in a bottle, here's what I wish I could do, I'd save every day like a treasure, and then, again, I would spend them with you. . .
So much of the time I just want to take out the memories and wrap myself in them, like I wrap up in Sara's blanket of t-shirts that Heidi made for me. I want to make sure I save them. It is painful, but oh so sweet! It is living in the . . . "wishing for what WAS, while being thankful for what IS, and looking forward for the hope that IS TO COME". I wish I could do that with more grace.
I was looking back at my caringbridge journal. . . and reading things from November/December/January 2010/2011 . . . when we knew that Sara was not going to make it. . . .but we were still holding on to hope for a miracle. I wrote. . . "somewhere in between total denial and total panic is a place where we can walk this road with God's grace". I often still feel that same way. And yet. . . there is no denying that God is giving us grace and strength to continue . . . the same grace and strength He provides for all, in the struggle of this life here on earth.
As for "time in a bottle". . . . as I think about it. . . . I guess that would be memories. I know that every phone conversation and every visit with our kids is more precious to me now than ever. December is filled with warm, crazy, and funny memories. . . .as well as difficult ones. I'll keep saving them, and filling another bottle with more!
246. Pictures. . . and memories. . . "time in a bottle"
247. Christmases when the kids were little and I dressed the girls alike - Sam lucked out!
248. Making gingerbread houses with the kids every year - until the year when the house wouldn't stay together - we threw the house in the trash and started making gingerbread man cookies
249. The year that Sara was so excited to finally be old enough to sing in the Christmas program - she always knew all the songs and motions anyway!
250. The year that Sam decided he actually did like to sing
251. Playing LOUD Christmas music and having the kids dance, sing, or lip-sync with all the songs
252. Watching "White Christmas" - and the girls always jumping up to sing along with "Sisters"
253. The year we played "Dance Revolution" and I messed up my knee
254. The year that Sara dressed herself in every single Christmas gift she received. . . all at once. . . and danced around the living room
255. Picking our kids up from the airport to come home for Christmas - or seeing them pull up in the driveway
256. Late night conversations and laughter
257. Kringla
258. Coffee in red Starbucks Christmas cups
259. Scotchmallows
260. The fact that we were all home for Christmas together in 2010 - precious time
So much of the time I just want to take out the memories and wrap myself in them, like I wrap up in Sara's blanket of t-shirts that Heidi made for me. I want to make sure I save them. It is painful, but oh so sweet! It is living in the . . . "wishing for what WAS, while being thankful for what IS, and looking forward for the hope that IS TO COME". I wish I could do that with more grace.
I was looking back at my caringbridge journal. . . and reading things from November/December/January 2010/2011 . . . when we knew that Sara was not going to make it. . . .but we were still holding on to hope for a miracle. I wrote. . . "somewhere in between total denial and total panic is a place where we can walk this road with God's grace". I often still feel that same way. And yet. . . there is no denying that God is giving us grace and strength to continue . . . the same grace and strength He provides for all, in the struggle of this life here on earth.
As for "time in a bottle". . . . as I think about it. . . . I guess that would be memories. I know that every phone conversation and every visit with our kids is more precious to me now than ever. December is filled with warm, crazy, and funny memories. . . .as well as difficult ones. I'll keep saving them, and filling another bottle with more!
246. Pictures. . . and memories. . . "time in a bottle"
247. Christmases when the kids were little and I dressed the girls alike - Sam lucked out!
248. Making gingerbread houses with the kids every year - until the year when the house wouldn't stay together - we threw the house in the trash and started making gingerbread man cookies
249. The year that Sara was so excited to finally be old enough to sing in the Christmas program - she always knew all the songs and motions anyway!
250. The year that Sam decided he actually did like to sing
251. Playing LOUD Christmas music and having the kids dance, sing, or lip-sync with all the songs
252. Watching "White Christmas" - and the girls always jumping up to sing along with "Sisters"
253. The year we played "Dance Revolution" and I messed up my knee
254. The year that Sara dressed herself in every single Christmas gift she received. . . all at once. . . and danced around the living room
255. Picking our kids up from the airport to come home for Christmas - or seeing them pull up in the driveway
256. Late night conversations and laughter
257. Kringla
258. Coffee in red Starbucks Christmas cups
259. Scotchmallows
260. The fact that we were all home for Christmas together in 2010 - precious time
Sunday, November 25, 2012
10 more . . .actually. . . 11
235. All things pumpkin. . . and all things salted caramel
236. Hallmark Christmas movies
237. Phoenix in November
238. Time with family & friends
239. That Sara's friends still come to visit us
240. College kids coming home for holiday breaks
241. Working on projects - and time to do so
242. Our kids and grandkids - so blessed
243. That God created us each uniquely and works in each of our hearts individually
244. That God is who He is
245. Hope
236. Hallmark Christmas movies
237. Phoenix in November
238. Time with family & friends
239. That Sara's friends still come to visit us
240. College kids coming home for holiday breaks
241. Working on projects - and time to do so
242. Our kids and grandkids - so blessed
243. That God created us each uniquely and works in each of our hearts individually
244. That God is who He is
245. Hope
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Even if the healing doesn't come. . .
When I get in my car to go somewhere (usually to work in the mornings), and the radio comes on right at the beginning of a song, it somehow seems like God is giving me a special little gift. It happened yesterday morning. I have never heard this song before. . . .but it was a gift. Thank you Lord!
Kutless - Even If The Healing Doesn't Come
Album: Believer (2012)
Sometimes all we have to hold on to
is what we know is true of who You are.
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
that could never change who You are.
And we trust in who You are.
Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart,
and dreams are still undone,
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One.
Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come.
Lord, we know Your ways are not our ways,
so we set our faith in who You are.
Even though You reign high above us,
You tenderly love us, we know Your heart.
And we trust in who You are.
Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart,
And dreams are still undone,
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One.
Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come.
You're still the great and mighty One.
We trust You always.
You're working all things for our good.
We'll sing Your praise.
Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart,
And dreams are still undone,
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One.
Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come.
You are God and we will bless You as the good and faithful One.
You are God and we will bless You, even if the healing,
Even if the healing doesn't come.
Kutless - Even If The Healing Doesn't Come
Album: Believer (2012)
Sometimes all we have to hold on to
is what we know is true of who You are.
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
that could never change who You are.
And we trust in who You are.
Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart,
and dreams are still undone,
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One.
Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come.
Lord, we know Your ways are not our ways,
so we set our faith in who You are.
Even though You reign high above us,
You tenderly love us, we know Your heart.
And we trust in who You are.
Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart,
And dreams are still undone,
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One.
Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come.
You're still the great and mighty One.
We trust You always.
You're working all things for our good.
We'll sing Your praise.
Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart,
And dreams are still undone,
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One.
Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come.
You are God and we will bless You as the good and faithful One.
You are God and we will bless You, even if the healing,
Even if the healing doesn't come.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Forever thankful. . . .
222. Fairy tales (especially in musical form)
223. Princesses who love books - Belle :)
234. The times when things actually seem to come together
225. Those who don't give up
226. Just THINKING about Thanksgiving food
227. Grateful hearts
228. Good memories
229. New opportunities
230. Simplicity
231. Certain aspects of technology
232. Harmony - just think about it
233. Music, music, music!
234. All the gifts of God that we could never have even imagined!
"Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Cor. 2:9
223. Princesses who love books - Belle :)
234. The times when things actually seem to come together
225. Those who don't give up
226. Just THINKING about Thanksgiving food
227. Grateful hearts
228. Good memories
229. New opportunities
230. Simplicity
231. Certain aspects of technology
232. Harmony - just think about it
233. Music, music, music!
234. All the gifts of God that we could never have even imagined!
"Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, and which have not entered the heart of man, all that God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Cor. 2:9
Thursday, November 15, 2012
I Lift My Hands
Do you ever hear a song on the radio that hits you like a ton of bricks, or just drenches your soul? Yesterday on my way to work, Chris Tomlin's "I Lift My Hands" came on KLOVE. I love that song! I have heard it many times, and I think perhaps I have even posted it here before. This time it just struck such a deep chord in my heart. That is exactly where I am! It made me wonder where the song came from. . . . .why did Chris Tomlin write it. . . . what's the story behind it?
So. . . this morning I googled it. Sure enough. . . . Chris Tomlin co-wrote it with Louie Giglio and Matt Maher. He said the lyrics began with Louie, who was struggling with anxiety, and panic. He was dealing with health issues and felt like he was just shutting down. He said that at night everything felt so dark and consuming, he would lay in his bed and try to sing, lifting his hands to God in surrender. He told Chris that people needed a song of hope for when they are facing a loss or tremendous heartache. We often lift our hands in celebration, but sometimes we have to lift them in surrender too.
Be still, there is a Healer.
His love is deeper than the sea.
His mercy, it is unfailing.
His arms are a fortress for the weak.
Let faith arise. Let faith arise.
I lift my hands to believe again.
You are my fortress, You are my strength.
As I pour out my heart these things I remember.
You are faithful God, forever.
Be still, there is a river,
that flows from Calvary's tree.
A fountain for the thirsty,
pure grace that washes over me.
So, let faith arise. Let faith arise.
Open my eyes. Open my eyes.
I lift my hands to believe again.
You are my fortress, You are my strength.
As I pour out my heart these things I remember.
You are faithful God, forever.
You are faithful God, forever.
So. . . this morning I googled it. Sure enough. . . . Chris Tomlin co-wrote it with Louie Giglio and Matt Maher. He said the lyrics began with Louie, who was struggling with anxiety, and panic. He was dealing with health issues and felt like he was just shutting down. He said that at night everything felt so dark and consuming, he would lay in his bed and try to sing, lifting his hands to God in surrender. He told Chris that people needed a song of hope for when they are facing a loss or tremendous heartache. We often lift our hands in celebration, but sometimes we have to lift them in surrender too.
Be still, there is a Healer.
His love is deeper than the sea.
His mercy, it is unfailing.
His arms are a fortress for the weak.
Let faith arise. Let faith arise.
I lift my hands to believe again.
You are my fortress, You are my strength.
As I pour out my heart these things I remember.
You are faithful God, forever.
Be still, there is a river,
that flows from Calvary's tree.
A fountain for the thirsty,
pure grace that washes over me.
So, let faith arise. Let faith arise.
Open my eyes. Open my eyes.
I lift my hands to believe again.
You are my fortress, You are my strength.
As I pour out my heart these things I remember.
You are faithful God, forever.
You are faithful God, forever.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Thankful. . .
214. Fall behind daylight savings day - we should have more of these!
215. The colors red, orange, & yellow
216. Piles of leaves
217. Cool air and warm sunshine - the combination
218. Creating your own pizza
219. Background music - would be lovely if life had a sound track - kind of like a musical!
220. Things that don't matter
221. Things that do matter - and the times we can recognize the difference
Have to add a crazy but "creative" idea. . . . actually, I think it is brilliant! (but I recognize that no one else will probably share my enthusiasm) We should have a "fall-behind", daylight savings day, and set our clocks back, every Sunday for the next 24 weeks. That should bring us right up to the "spring-ahead", daylight savings date in April. . . . then we could just set our clocks ahead 24 hours, lose a whole day. . . . and we'd be good to go! I'm just sayin'. . . . . definite perks! They could handle it in Alaska!
215. The colors red, orange, & yellow
216. Piles of leaves
217. Cool air and warm sunshine - the combination
218. Creating your own pizza
219. Background music - would be lovely if life had a sound track - kind of like a musical!
220. Things that don't matter
221. Things that do matter - and the times we can recognize the difference
Have to add a crazy but "creative" idea. . . . actually, I think it is brilliant! (but I recognize that no one else will probably share my enthusiasm) We should have a "fall-behind", daylight savings day, and set our clocks back, every Sunday for the next 24 weeks. That should bring us right up to the "spring-ahead", daylight savings date in April. . . . then we could just set our clocks ahead 24 hours, lose a whole day. . . . and we'd be good to go! I'm just sayin'. . . . . definite perks! They could handle it in Alaska!
Monday, October 22, 2012
I've been having lots of conversations with myself lately. I think one of my biggest problems in life IS myself. Funny the things we learn as we get older. I want to make sense of things, I want to know what and why, I want to have a measure of control, I want to choose. . . . and much of the time we just don't get to. I KNOW that. . . and yet I continue to struggle. Oh, the patience of God!
I quote this to myself often. . .(Hebrews 11:1). . . "Now FAITH is the assurance of things HOPED for, the conviction of things NOT seen." If we could see, know, and totally understand it all. . . if WE had control. . . it wouldn't be faith . . . and, it would surely be a MESS!
201. Faith - only by God's grace
202. GRACE!
203. Unconditional love and forgiveness
204. Hope - which remains even when we lose focus
205. Music
206. Piano lessons
207. High school choirs
208. Musical theater
209. New songs
210. Family
211. Nevada Day
212. Salted caramel mocha latte - yummmm
213. Being thankful for things over and over again
I quote this to myself often. . .(Hebrews 11:1). . . "Now FAITH is the assurance of things HOPED for, the conviction of things NOT seen." If we could see, know, and totally understand it all. . . if WE had control. . . it wouldn't be faith . . . and, it would surely be a MESS!
201. Faith - only by God's grace
202. GRACE!
203. Unconditional love and forgiveness
204. Hope - which remains even when we lose focus
205. Music
206. Piano lessons
207. High school choirs
208. Musical theater
209. New songs
210. Family
211. Nevada Day
212. Salted caramel mocha latte - yummmm
213. Being thankful for things over and over again
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Interesting reading in my devotional book on Monday. . . . .JESUS CALLING. . . .
"You will not find My Peace by engaging in EXCESSIVE planning, attempting to control what will happen to you in the future. When your mind spins with multiple plans, peace may sometimes seem to be within your grasp, yet it always eludes you. Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.
I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace." (taken from 1 Peter 5:6-7, Proverbs 16:9, and Psalm 37:5)
You would think that I would have learned this by now. But yet, even when I read this, if I'm honest with myself, my first thoughts are. . . "No! I need to plan, I NEED to be prepared!"
As with anything, I suppose much of it has to do with BALANCE. . . . the priority I place on my planning, and the intensity with which I respond when things don't go according to MY plan, and yes, the focus of my heart. Learning this will be a life-long process.
"You will not find My Peace by engaging in EXCESSIVE planning, attempting to control what will happen to you in the future. When your mind spins with multiple plans, peace may sometimes seem to be within your grasp, yet it always eludes you. Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities, something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.
I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace." (taken from 1 Peter 5:6-7, Proverbs 16:9, and Psalm 37:5)
You would think that I would have learned this by now. But yet, even when I read this, if I'm honest with myself, my first thoughts are. . . "No! I need to plan, I NEED to be prepared!"
As with anything, I suppose much of it has to do with BALANCE. . . . the priority I place on my planning, and the intensity with which I respond when things don't go according to MY plan, and yes, the focus of my heart. Learning this will be a life-long process.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Fun Food
"Starve a cold and feed a fever". . . .or "Feed a cold and starve a fever". . . . . I can never remember which one it is. Yesterday I had both, so I traded off just in case. I got slammed with a cold on Thursday, took extra vitamin C, used my essential oils, took some natural logenzes from my wonderful school secretary, and even went and bought some cold medicine. . . . sure I would kick it before it got the best of me. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling like my head was going to explode, so I opted to stay home and refrain from exposing my colleagues and kids to both my germs and my bad mood.
As I alternated between being hot and cold, hungry and sick to my stomach, I rummaged through the cupboards and the fridge looking for something to "feed my cold. . . or my fever" whichever it was supposed to be. I haven't been grocery shopping for awhile, so pretty much just had random food items left. (which are sometimes the most fun) It reminded me a little of when we would search for something that would sound good to Sara when the chemo was getting the best of her, but she still needed to eat. Even as I am writing this I think. . . no one probably cares or wants to read about this. . . . but this is something that I wish I could tell Sara because she would laugh with me. . . so I write it here.
Anyway, when I was cold, and looking for something to warm me up, I came up with this nice little treat. . . Heat 3 corn tortillas in the microwave. Lightly spread butter and sprinkle sugar and cinnamon between the layers. Roll and eat. . . . They were delicious! (I guess 1 or 2 would work just as well, and be a few less calories)
Then, later, when I was hot, and thought I should eat something a little more healthy and substantial, I concocted this bit of deliciousness. . . .Mix 1 packet of white tuna, finely chopped veggies (romaine lettuce, carrots, celery, spinach, cilantro - whatever you have, but I think the cilantro is a MUST), and enough Bacon Ranch dressing to make it smooth. Use as a dip with Cracked Black Pepper and Sea Salt Mini Rice Cakes. . . . .This was not only delicious, but also looked pretty fancy. I believe this might be worthy of pintrest. . . if I only knew how to use pintrest. :) Of course, as with any recipe, the beauty of it is that you can substitute any of the ingredients with something you like better. (in MY opinion, the bacon ranch dressing and cilantro should remain as the basics in this one)
I also read alot yesterday. Ecclesiastes is another one of my favorite books in the Bible. (No, I did not read my Bible all day - that would definitely be giving a false impression) I often go there when I'm feeling like "What is the point anyway?" Solomon seems to have similar circular thoughts as he writes about his quest for meaning, purpose, and satisfaction in this life. But even though he repeatedly presents the "vanity" or futility of life here on this earth, he always (divinely inspired) comes back around to the conclusion that eternity is NOT here on earth, that God holds all things in His hands, and that we bow to Him as our Savior and Lord. This may sound crazy, but I like reading in Ecclesiastes, knowing that God used Solomon even as he struggled with understanding what this life is all about. . . just like we do.
184. The time when you are still sick enough to use it as an excuse NOT to do some things, but not sick enough that you can't get up and do what you really want to do
185. Random foods
186. Those moments when you get glimpses of God's direction, and the way He is working in your life
187. Our incredible kids and their incredible families - pets and all!
188. Free pizza from Pizza Barn (and not knowing it's free till you get there)
189. When weekends are slow enough that you can get caught up from your week
200. The fact that the gifts of God are constant, even though it often takes awhile for us to acknowlege them
As I alternated between being hot and cold, hungry and sick to my stomach, I rummaged through the cupboards and the fridge looking for something to "feed my cold. . . or my fever" whichever it was supposed to be. I haven't been grocery shopping for awhile, so pretty much just had random food items left. (which are sometimes the most fun) It reminded me a little of when we would search for something that would sound good to Sara when the chemo was getting the best of her, but she still needed to eat. Even as I am writing this I think. . . no one probably cares or wants to read about this. . . . but this is something that I wish I could tell Sara because she would laugh with me. . . so I write it here.
Anyway, when I was cold, and looking for something to warm me up, I came up with this nice little treat. . . Heat 3 corn tortillas in the microwave. Lightly spread butter and sprinkle sugar and cinnamon between the layers. Roll and eat. . . . They were delicious! (I guess 1 or 2 would work just as well, and be a few less calories)
Then, later, when I was hot, and thought I should eat something a little more healthy and substantial, I concocted this bit of deliciousness. . . .Mix 1 packet of white tuna, finely chopped veggies (romaine lettuce, carrots, celery, spinach, cilantro - whatever you have, but I think the cilantro is a MUST), and enough Bacon Ranch dressing to make it smooth. Use as a dip with Cracked Black Pepper and Sea Salt Mini Rice Cakes. . . . .This was not only delicious, but also looked pretty fancy. I believe this might be worthy of pintrest. . . if I only knew how to use pintrest. :) Of course, as with any recipe, the beauty of it is that you can substitute any of the ingredients with something you like better. (in MY opinion, the bacon ranch dressing and cilantro should remain as the basics in this one)
I also read alot yesterday. Ecclesiastes is another one of my favorite books in the Bible. (No, I did not read my Bible all day - that would definitely be giving a false impression) I often go there when I'm feeling like "What is the point anyway?" Solomon seems to have similar circular thoughts as he writes about his quest for meaning, purpose, and satisfaction in this life. But even though he repeatedly presents the "vanity" or futility of life here on this earth, he always (divinely inspired) comes back around to the conclusion that eternity is NOT here on earth, that God holds all things in His hands, and that we bow to Him as our Savior and Lord. This may sound crazy, but I like reading in Ecclesiastes, knowing that God used Solomon even as he struggled with understanding what this life is all about. . . just like we do.
184. The time when you are still sick enough to use it as an excuse NOT to do some things, but not sick enough that you can't get up and do what you really want to do
185. Random foods
186. Those moments when you get glimpses of God's direction, and the way He is working in your life
187. Our incredible kids and their incredible families - pets and all!
188. Free pizza from Pizza Barn (and not knowing it's free till you get there)
189. When weekends are slow enough that you can get caught up from your week
200. The fact that the gifts of God are constant, even though it often takes awhile for us to acknowlege them
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Childhood Cancer Awareness - Wear Yellow Day
178. Childhood Cancer Awareness Month
179. The color yellow
180. Good friends
181. My mom - her example, her love, her faith
182. Compression socks - MIRACLE socks
183. Days that are better than your expectations
I left for work this morning, got about half-way to school, and realized that I had forgotten to put on my watch and my earrings. Now, that might not seem like a big deal to many people. . . . but I must confess that on other mornings when I have done this, I have promptly made a U-turn to go back home and finish getting dressed. I comtemplated that this morning. . . . but since I was already running late. . . . I battled the urge to give in to my borderline OCD. . . . and kept on driving to work. I kept telling myself. . . "It doesn't really matter. There are clocks in every classroom, and no one is going to care if I have on earrings or not. No one will probably even notice!" (I did, however, check to make sure my sweater was on right-side out and right-side up before I went in to the building) Aside from looking at my wrist about 20 times, and continually rubbing my naked earlobes. . . . . being watchless and earringless really did not have any negative effect on my day. In fact, I probably had a better day today than I did yesterday. My girls and I often say to each other. . "It's all about expectations".
The good thing about today was that I DID wear my new compression socks (or as seen on TV - MIRACLE socks). And I think I would have to say that they ARE pretty miraculous. My legs are always sore and achy when I get home from work, but tonight. . . . they actually feel pretty good. If only they made Miracle BODY suits!!
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I got an email through our school district today, saying that tomorrow, September 13th is "Wear Yellow Day" in honor of those that are fighting, or have lost the battle of childhood cancer. It was sent by a teacher in our district, a mom who lost her young daughter to cancer last spring. It made me cry. . . . but I will wear yellow tomorrow, and I hope many others will as well.
My mom is having to use a wheelchair now to get around in her house. She has a severe muscle strain in her back and it is too painful for her to walk. And yet. . . while I am kind of in a place where I just keep bracing myself for the next heartache that is going to happen. . . my mom looks at everything and says, "I need to find what God wants to teach me through this. I know He has a plan and His timing is perfect. She is always thankful." I am so thankful for our friend Cammy, and other friends there in California who are able to be there to help my mom. I hate it that I am so far away. We'd appreciate prayers for my mom, and for us as we work out details.
179. The color yellow
180. Good friends
181. My mom - her example, her love, her faith
182. Compression socks - MIRACLE socks
183. Days that are better than your expectations
I left for work this morning, got about half-way to school, and realized that I had forgotten to put on my watch and my earrings. Now, that might not seem like a big deal to many people. . . . but I must confess that on other mornings when I have done this, I have promptly made a U-turn to go back home and finish getting dressed. I comtemplated that this morning. . . . but since I was already running late. . . . I battled the urge to give in to my borderline OCD. . . . and kept on driving to work. I kept telling myself. . . "It doesn't really matter. There are clocks in every classroom, and no one is going to care if I have on earrings or not. No one will probably even notice!" (I did, however, check to make sure my sweater was on right-side out and right-side up before I went in to the building) Aside from looking at my wrist about 20 times, and continually rubbing my naked earlobes. . . . . being watchless and earringless really did not have any negative effect on my day. In fact, I probably had a better day today than I did yesterday. My girls and I often say to each other. . "It's all about expectations".
The good thing about today was that I DID wear my new compression socks (or as seen on TV - MIRACLE socks). And I think I would have to say that they ARE pretty miraculous. My legs are always sore and achy when I get home from work, but tonight. . . . they actually feel pretty good. If only they made Miracle BODY suits!!
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I got an email through our school district today, saying that tomorrow, September 13th is "Wear Yellow Day" in honor of those that are fighting, or have lost the battle of childhood cancer. It was sent by a teacher in our district, a mom who lost her young daughter to cancer last spring. It made me cry. . . . but I will wear yellow tomorrow, and I hope many others will as well.
My mom is having to use a wheelchair now to get around in her house. She has a severe muscle strain in her back and it is too painful for her to walk. And yet. . . while I am kind of in a place where I just keep bracing myself for the next heartache that is going to happen. . . my mom looks at everything and says, "I need to find what God wants to teach me through this. I know He has a plan and His timing is perfect. She is always thankful." I am so thankful for our friend Cammy, and other friends there in California who are able to be there to help my mom. I hate it that I am so far away. We'd appreciate prayers for my mom, and for us as we work out details.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Daisies
So many things we take for granted, and all are God's gracious gifts. . . . family, health, the beauty of nature. . . . .
174. My mom and my mom-in-law. . . gracious, beautiful, precious ladies
175. Green plants and colorful flowers
176. Sprinkler systems. . . even though they always need to be fixed
177. WATER and SUNSHINE
Friday, September 7, 2012
The only thing that seems to get easier is hiding how I truly feel. A year after Sara's death I still miss her just as much. . . my heart aches just as much. . . .there's something in me that still has a hard time believing she's never coming back. . . .and life just doesn't seem right. The daily battle is spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical. It is hard work to keep focused and to keep moving forward, for everyone. I feel like one little slip sends me sliding down the mountain I'm climbing, and into the pit of despair. I have much to be thankful for. . . . much to be thankful for. . . much to be thankful for. . . much to be thankful for. . .
I HATE to write "downer" posts, but I think that perhaps it is sometimes necessary to acknowledge the "pits" in order to be able to drag myself out again. It's been a long week.
I HATE to write "downer" posts, but I think that perhaps it is sometimes necessary to acknowledge the "pits" in order to be able to drag myself out again. It's been a long week.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Home-cookin'
Three day weekends are wonderful things. I think Labor Day is an especially helpful holiday for students and those of us working a school schedule, as it makes it a little easier to ease into the Fall routine. I have no idea what happened to me this weekend . . . . but I spent more than a little time cooking. Anyone who knows me well. . . and especially my family. . . knows that I have a relatively small repertoire when it comes to the kitchen. I remember my dad once asked me what I would have in my "dream kitchen". It only took me a minute before answering. . ."NOTHING!"
It must have started with the pumpkin pancakes on Saturday. Since I had a LARGE can of pumpkin, I still had quite a bit left after the pancakes. . . so on Sunday afternoon it was time for pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. That still didn't exhaust the supply of pumpkin. . . .so today, the inspiration was pumpkin applesauce chocolate chip muffins. Woody doesn't know what hit him! We also had a friend stop by with tomatoes, chili peppers, and some other goodies from his garden. I am not a huge fan of tomatoes, but these were truly calling for salsa. . . . so I made a "Noreen" version of chunky salsa. . . which is heavy on the "chunky" and light on the tomatoes. I was so amazed by my efforts that I did a "Heidi" thing. . . I pulled out my camera to take some pictures. I am no photographer, but these do look almost good enough to eat!
171. Fresh garden produce - God's bounty
172. Chocolate chips - in almost everything
173. An extra day
It must have started with the pumpkin pancakes on Saturday. Since I had a LARGE can of pumpkin, I still had quite a bit left after the pancakes. . . so on Sunday afternoon it was time for pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. That still didn't exhaust the supply of pumpkin. . . .so today, the inspiration was pumpkin applesauce chocolate chip muffins. Woody doesn't know what hit him! We also had a friend stop by with tomatoes, chili peppers, and some other goodies from his garden. I am not a huge fan of tomatoes, but these were truly calling for salsa. . . . so I made a "Noreen" version of chunky salsa. . . which is heavy on the "chunky" and light on the tomatoes. I was so amazed by my efforts that I did a "Heidi" thing. . . I pulled out my camera to take some pictures. I am no photographer, but these do look almost good enough to eat!
171. Fresh garden produce - God's bounty
172. Chocolate chips - in almost everything
173. An extra day
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Delicious!
I decided I needed to write about the results of my pumpkin pancake adventure. LOOK OUT ORIGINAL PANCAKE HOUSE!! I have also decided that in November I am going to stock up on about a dozen cans of pumpkin, so that I can make these delicious treats at least once a month . . . all year long. Actually, a large can of pumpkin will probably make 3 or maybe even 4 batches for Woody and I. We could eat them once a week!! They met every expectation I had since first thinking about them this morning. Here is my amended recipe (outline):
About 1 1/4 cups of flour
About 1/4 cup brown sugar (increased from 2 Tblsp in original recipe)
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
Cinnamon, Ginger, Nutmeg, Cloves (no measuring, just shake it in - heavy on the cinnamon)
1 cup of milk
About 1/2 cup of pumpkin puree (maybe more)
A big dollop of applesauce (instead of the 2 Tblsp of oil in the recipe)
1 egg
A large pat of butter (because it was the end of a stick and I needed to wash the butter dish)
This made about a dozen good sized pancakes that looked, smelled, and tasted delicious.
I could go on "Pancake Wars"! (If there was such a thing) Next time I just might add chocolate chips! The only thing missing was The Original Pancake House's REAL homemade whipped cream. I didn't have the courage to attempt that.
(Oh - along with the pancakes, I also made scrambled eggs with spinach, cheese, sweet red pepper, and cilantro - also delicious) Who ever knew I could blog about cooking????
This also sparked another "Sara memory". The last time I remember making pancakes (for breakfast that time - not pumpkin, but chocolate chip), was on a snowy January morning in 2010. Sara was due to go back to San Francisco for chemo, but I-80 was closed because of a snow storm. As it happened, the snow extended all the way to Fallon, so schools here were also closed. We couldn't get to San Francisco, and I didn't have to go to work either! We celebrated by making chocolate chip pancakes - although those were from Bisquick.
Tonight, besides the pancakes, we had a lovely evening with an old high school friend of Sara's, who brought his girlfriend back to town and came over for a visit. We are so thankful for so many of Sara's friends who still think of us. Precious gifts! Tonight, the girlfriend came back to the door after they had left, to thank us for the difference Sara made in her young man's life, and she never even knew Sara. It meant so much.
166. Sara's friends
167. Red gerber daisies and encouraging notes
168. September
169. Pancakes for dinner
170. Sleeping deeply enough to dream
About 1 1/4 cups of flour
About 1/4 cup brown sugar (increased from 2 Tblsp in original recipe)
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
Cinnamon, Ginger, Nutmeg, Cloves (no measuring, just shake it in - heavy on the cinnamon)
1 cup of milk
About 1/2 cup of pumpkin puree (maybe more)
A big dollop of applesauce (instead of the 2 Tblsp of oil in the recipe)
1 egg
A large pat of butter (because it was the end of a stick and I needed to wash the butter dish)
This made about a dozen good sized pancakes that looked, smelled, and tasted delicious.
I could go on "Pancake Wars"! (If there was such a thing) Next time I just might add chocolate chips! The only thing missing was The Original Pancake House's REAL homemade whipped cream. I didn't have the courage to attempt that.
(Oh - along with the pancakes, I also made scrambled eggs with spinach, cheese, sweet red pepper, and cilantro - also delicious) Who ever knew I could blog about cooking????
This also sparked another "Sara memory". The last time I remember making pancakes (for breakfast that time - not pumpkin, but chocolate chip), was on a snowy January morning in 2010. Sara was due to go back to San Francisco for chemo, but I-80 was closed because of a snow storm. As it happened, the snow extended all the way to Fallon, so schools here were also closed. We couldn't get to San Francisco, and I didn't have to go to work either! We celebrated by making chocolate chip pancakes - although those were from Bisquick.
Tonight, besides the pancakes, we had a lovely evening with an old high school friend of Sara's, who brought his girlfriend back to town and came over for a visit. We are so thankful for so many of Sara's friends who still think of us. Precious gifts! Tonight, the girlfriend came back to the door after they had left, to thank us for the difference Sara made in her young man's life, and she never even knew Sara. It meant so much.
166. Sara's friends
167. Red gerber daisies and encouraging notes
168. September
169. Pancakes for dinner
170. Sleeping deeply enough to dream
Recipes as Outlines
I woke up this morning and the air coming in the window was definitely COOL! For the first time that I can ever remember, I decided before 8:00 in the morning what I am going to make for dinner. Are you ready. . . . . PUMPKIN PANCAKES. I checked, and yes, I do have a can of pumpkin in the pantry. I checked, and yes, there is a recipe on recipes.com that lists ingredients that I already have. And. . . no, I have never made pancakes from scratch, only with Bisquick. So, this may be my adventure for the day. I suppose it is kind of fitting, since this is September 1st and on the menu at The Original Pancake House up in Salem, Oregon, pumpkin pancakes are served only September through February. You also may be wondering . . . . why not make pumpkin pancakes for breakfast, why wait till dinner? Well, I did consider breakfast. . . . but I'm not much of a morning cook, and Woody is at a soccer tournament at the high school. . . . so, I am waiting till dinner. Woody doesn't even know what he's in for!
Speaking of recipes. . . . I found another treasure this week. (this may seem like a rabbit trail, but bear with me) I usually have a stack of books waiting to be read, or sometimes several stacks. I have to admit that lately I have been picking up my kindle more and more (yes, I love it), even though I continue to collect stacks of books that are on my "want to read" list. Well earlier this week, I thought my kindle died. I just found out through talking to Sam, that it actually just turned itself off. All this time that I thought I was turning it off, I was just letting it sleep. (I did occasionally wonder why there was still a picture on the screen when I thought I was turning it off) To finish the kindle "rabbit trail", Sam was able to help me turn it back on this morning. He also promised me he wouldn't tell anyone of my total lack of techno "know how". I'll let him off the hook by just putting it out there now. I kept looking everywhere for my kindle guide, because I knew I had read directions and all that stuff. After Sam helped me get it turned back on I realized everything I had read was actually on my kindle. So I ask. . . What help is that when you can't turn the darned thing on?????
Note to self. . . . just call Sam.
Anyway. . . . one of the books I picked up when my kindle was "dead", or actually just "off", was one that my dear friend Leslie had sent to me. It is by Katie Couric, entitled "The Best Advice I Ever Got" (Lessons from Extraordinary Lives). I love it too, especially because it is short little chapters from different people. . . very interesting . . . and yes, often inspiring! One of my favorites so far is the chapter from Mario Batali, a celebrity chef and restaurateur. His chapter is entitled, Life is Not a Recipe. (so you see, we have finally come back around to recipes!) Here are some quotes from his chapter that I love. . . "The more fake and commercialized the world gets, the more people respond to things that have a real core of truth. Whatever you choose to do with your life, whether it's running a company or cooking dinner, stand for something you know is true. If there's a recipe for success, it's staying real and true. . . . Which reminds me, life is not a recipe. Recipes are just descriptions of one person's take on one moment in time. They are not rules, they are just suggestions that got written down."
I think one reason I like that so much is that I am one who prefers to cook without adhering exactly to a recipe. For instance, I am already thinking about how I am going to adjust the pumpkin pancake recipe I found. . . to put in more of the ingredients I like (for instance, chocolate chips), and less of those I don't like (the recipe calls for vinegar???). That may sound scary to some of you. . . . and well. . . . it might turn out scary too. . . .but I don't care. . . . Woody will still love me. (and we can always order a pizza) Sara and I loved to watch cooking shows while she was in the hospital, or at home having to lay in her chair. While she was on chemo she used to say that even if she couldn't eat, at least she could enjoy thinking about some of that deliciousness. It dawned on me that one reason I liked those shows (because I really don't like to cook all that much), was that you never saw any of those people following a recipe. They just took ingredients and made something up! (I am speaking specifically of Chopped and Cupcake Wars, our favorites)
Now. . . I DO believe in recipes. I know you (or at least I) have to have an outline, and there are certain things that have to be maintained. . . like cooking time and temperature, and some basic ingredients. But beyond that. . . is the adventure. My adventure for tonight. . . pumpkin pancakes from scratch. I may or may not blog about how they turn out.
160. Sam's technological genius, and the fact that he doesn't make fun of his mother
161. Recipes as outlines
162. Saturday mornings
163. Productive work weeks
164. Simple pleasures
165. Three day weekends!
Speaking of recipes. . . . I found another treasure this week. (this may seem like a rabbit trail, but bear with me) I usually have a stack of books waiting to be read, or sometimes several stacks. I have to admit that lately I have been picking up my kindle more and more (yes, I love it), even though I continue to collect stacks of books that are on my "want to read" list. Well earlier this week, I thought my kindle died. I just found out through talking to Sam, that it actually just turned itself off. All this time that I thought I was turning it off, I was just letting it sleep. (I did occasionally wonder why there was still a picture on the screen when I thought I was turning it off) To finish the kindle "rabbit trail", Sam was able to help me turn it back on this morning. He also promised me he wouldn't tell anyone of my total lack of techno "know how". I'll let him off the hook by just putting it out there now. I kept looking everywhere for my kindle guide, because I knew I had read directions and all that stuff. After Sam helped me get it turned back on I realized everything I had read was actually on my kindle. So I ask. . . What help is that when you can't turn the darned thing on?????
Note to self. . . . just call Sam.
Anyway. . . . one of the books I picked up when my kindle was "dead", or actually just "off", was one that my dear friend Leslie had sent to me. It is by Katie Couric, entitled "The Best Advice I Ever Got" (Lessons from Extraordinary Lives). I love it too, especially because it is short little chapters from different people. . . very interesting . . . and yes, often inspiring! One of my favorites so far is the chapter from Mario Batali, a celebrity chef and restaurateur. His chapter is entitled, Life is Not a Recipe. (so you see, we have finally come back around to recipes!) Here are some quotes from his chapter that I love. . . "The more fake and commercialized the world gets, the more people respond to things that have a real core of truth. Whatever you choose to do with your life, whether it's running a company or cooking dinner, stand for something you know is true. If there's a recipe for success, it's staying real and true. . . . Which reminds me, life is not a recipe. Recipes are just descriptions of one person's take on one moment in time. They are not rules, they are just suggestions that got written down."
I think one reason I like that so much is that I am one who prefers to cook without adhering exactly to a recipe. For instance, I am already thinking about how I am going to adjust the pumpkin pancake recipe I found. . . to put in more of the ingredients I like (for instance, chocolate chips), and less of those I don't like (the recipe calls for vinegar???). That may sound scary to some of you. . . . and well. . . . it might turn out scary too. . . .but I don't care. . . . Woody will still love me. (and we can always order a pizza) Sara and I loved to watch cooking shows while she was in the hospital, or at home having to lay in her chair. While she was on chemo she used to say that even if she couldn't eat, at least she could enjoy thinking about some of that deliciousness. It dawned on me that one reason I liked those shows (because I really don't like to cook all that much), was that you never saw any of those people following a recipe. They just took ingredients and made something up! (I am speaking specifically of Chopped and Cupcake Wars, our favorites)
Now. . . I DO believe in recipes. I know you (or at least I) have to have an outline, and there are certain things that have to be maintained. . . like cooking time and temperature, and some basic ingredients. But beyond that. . . is the adventure. My adventure for tonight. . . pumpkin pancakes from scratch. I may or may not blog about how they turn out.
160. Sam's technological genius, and the fact that he doesn't make fun of his mother
161. Recipes as outlines
162. Saturday mornings
163. Productive work weeks
164. Simple pleasures
165. Three day weekends!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Forever Sunshine. . . in the Fall
154. Pictures worth a thousand words
155. Late afternoon phone conversations with Kari (on her way home from work)
156. Early moring phone conversations with Heidi (on her way to work)
157. Conversations with Sam anytime he has time
158. That Woody comes to school to put up the soccer goal nets for me - my 4th and 5th graders
LOVE him!
159. Our Forever Sunshine
Monday, August 27, 2012
minor detail
Just a funny note. . . I got home from work and musical practice tonight, and Woody says. . . "Liked your posts, but the movie is not The Man Who Knew Too Much. It's called The Man Who Knew Too LITTLE!" Cracked me up! Whatever it's called - it's a great movie!
I loved being back at school today with all the kids AND our school staff. . . and then being with all the high school kids at musical workshops. Good first day!
151. Hugs from 1st-5th graders
152. First day clean sneakers with bright laces
153. Everybody eventually getting on the right bus to go home
I loved being back at school today with all the kids AND our school staff. . . and then being with all the high school kids at musical workshops. Good first day!
151. Hugs from 1st-5th graders
152. First day clean sneakers with bright laces
153. Everybody eventually getting on the right bus to go home
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Prayer
148. The power and privilege of prayer.
Prayer. . . here is a confession. . . since Sara's death almost 16 months ago, this is one of the things I have struggled with. I know my struggle involves the acceptance of God's will, which is the very essence of prayer. I surrender. . . I struggle. . . I surrender. . . .I struggle. . . Prayer isn't about changing God's mind, it's about adjusting the focus of our hearts. But still the doubts swirl and swell . . . I didn't pray enough, I didn't pray correctly, I didn't have enough faith, etc., etc. So my prayers have been simply "Forgive me Lord", "Thank you Lord", "Help me Lord", "Help ________Lord". I don't know what else to pray. Woody taught from Colossians 4 today, verse 12. This stuck . . . "laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may be fully assured in all the will of God." There you have it.
I love words, I love rhymes. This came to mind today. . .
There is joy, just not so sweet. There are good times, incomplete.
Life continues, good and bad, sometimes happy, sometimes sad.
To memories my heart still clings. I'm thankful for the peace that brings.
God is faithful, time He gave, so those memories we could save.
Looking forward feels so strange. I crave familiar, yet also, change.
Trusting God is the only way, but it's so hard, it's hard to pray.
God is bigger than my fear. In spite of me, He's always near.
Lord, You're constant, ever true. Please keep my heart in tune with You.
149. People who pray
150. The first day of a new school year - looking forward to seeing all my kids!
Prayer. . . here is a confession. . . since Sara's death almost 16 months ago, this is one of the things I have struggled with. I know my struggle involves the acceptance of God's will, which is the very essence of prayer. I surrender. . . I struggle. . . I surrender. . . .I struggle. . . Prayer isn't about changing God's mind, it's about adjusting the focus of our hearts. But still the doubts swirl and swell . . . I didn't pray enough, I didn't pray correctly, I didn't have enough faith, etc., etc. So my prayers have been simply "Forgive me Lord", "Thank you Lord", "Help me Lord", "Help ________Lord". I don't know what else to pray. Woody taught from Colossians 4 today, verse 12. This stuck . . . "laboring earnestly for you in his prayers, that you may be fully assured in all the will of God." There you have it.
I love words, I love rhymes. This came to mind today. . .
There is joy, just not so sweet. There are good times, incomplete.
Life continues, good and bad, sometimes happy, sometimes sad.
To memories my heart still clings. I'm thankful for the peace that brings.
God is faithful, time He gave, so those memories we could save.
Looking forward feels so strange. I crave familiar, yet also, change.
Trusting God is the only way, but it's so hard, it's hard to pray.
God is bigger than my fear. In spite of me, He's always near.
Lord, You're constant, ever true. Please keep my heart in tune with You.
149. People who pray
150. The first day of a new school year - looking forward to seeing all my kids!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Motivation
So, I should be vaccuming. . . I should be practicing music for Beauty and the Beast. . . I should be working in the yard. . . I should be cleaning out the fridge and grocery shopping. . . I should be getting music ready for church. . . I should be paying bills. . . I should probably be back at school getting things ready for Monday. . . .and instead, here I sit avoiding all the afore mentioned. What is it that motivates or inspires us to do the things we should be doing. . . . or even to do the things we dream of doing? In fact. . . what is it that motivates people to blog? That is something I also often wonder about . . . . why do I do this? But I digress. . . . see how my thoughts wander? How do I ever get anything done, or put any cohesive thoughts together????
Yesterday was the day all the staff in the district came back to work. . . officially. We had our district meeting in the high school gym, then our site staff meetings at our individual schools, and Numa had our "Meet and Greet" time, where families and students could come in to find their classrooms and meet their new teachers. It was a good day . . . a little crazy. . . more than a little chaotic, but good. Everyone is "gearing up" for a new start, a new school year, a new adventure. As I was driving back to our school from the all-district meeting at the high school, I was thinking. . . "What is it that inspires or motivates people?" What is it that inspires or motivates me? Yesterday, the messages were (kind of in a nutshell) . . ."thanks for all your hard work". . . . "relax and do your job". . . . "we're all in this together". . . "be healthy and fit to feel good and do your best". . . . "take care of yourself so that you can take care of others". . . ."be a good example to your students". . . "believe it can be done". . . and I'm sure there were more, and that other people took away different things. It was all good.
And yet. . . nothing against anyone or anything. . . but none of it really motivated or inspired me. . . . but then again, maybe it really did. I work hard and do my job. . . and I love my job. I honestly enjoy all of the things I do. . . so why do I mostly feel unmotivated and uninspired? It is not a constant thing. . . .it is just that I can't seem to maintain my motivation or inspiration for any length of time lately. Sometimes I exhaust myself pondering it, and sometimes I just don't even care. I want to blame it on getting older. . . except for the fact that I know a plethera of people much older than myself who are very motivated and inspired. . . . my mother, for example. In fact. . . .
142. My incredible, healthy, happy, wise, and wonderful mom
So. . .perhaps part of it is in continuing to bring my focus back around to the gifts and blessings God faithfully provides, whether I acknowledge them or not. Really, it is being open to the Spirit of God working in my heart. I'm thinking that thankfulness generates faith (in the faithfulness of God), which generates hope (in things not of this world), which in turn can generate motivation and inspiration. So, my continuing choice needs to be thankfulness. I feel like I say the same things over and over again as I write here. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself.
143. The constancy of God (it is a word, I looked it up)
144. The speeches, sermons, books, movies, songs, stories, people, etc who inspire and motivate
145. The Man Who Knew Too Much (funniest movie ever - if you haven't seen it, you should)
146. Enough hours on a Saturday that you can procrastinate a little
147. The "edit" box
Guess I'll go vaccum now!
Yesterday was the day all the staff in the district came back to work. . . officially. We had our district meeting in the high school gym, then our site staff meetings at our individual schools, and Numa had our "Meet and Greet" time, where families and students could come in to find their classrooms and meet their new teachers. It was a good day . . . a little crazy. . . more than a little chaotic, but good. Everyone is "gearing up" for a new start, a new school year, a new adventure. As I was driving back to our school from the all-district meeting at the high school, I was thinking. . . "What is it that inspires or motivates people?" What is it that inspires or motivates me? Yesterday, the messages were (kind of in a nutshell) . . ."thanks for all your hard work". . . . "relax and do your job". . . . "we're all in this together". . . "be healthy and fit to feel good and do your best". . . . "take care of yourself so that you can take care of others". . . ."be a good example to your students". . . "believe it can be done". . . and I'm sure there were more, and that other people took away different things. It was all good.
And yet. . . nothing against anyone or anything. . . but none of it really motivated or inspired me. . . . but then again, maybe it really did. I work hard and do my job. . . and I love my job. I honestly enjoy all of the things I do. . . so why do I mostly feel unmotivated and uninspired? It is not a constant thing. . . .it is just that I can't seem to maintain my motivation or inspiration for any length of time lately. Sometimes I exhaust myself pondering it, and sometimes I just don't even care. I want to blame it on getting older. . . except for the fact that I know a plethera of people much older than myself who are very motivated and inspired. . . . my mother, for example. In fact. . . .
142. My incredible, healthy, happy, wise, and wonderful mom
So. . .perhaps part of it is in continuing to bring my focus back around to the gifts and blessings God faithfully provides, whether I acknowledge them or not. Really, it is being open to the Spirit of God working in my heart. I'm thinking that thankfulness generates faith (in the faithfulness of God), which generates hope (in things not of this world), which in turn can generate motivation and inspiration. So, my continuing choice needs to be thankfulness. I feel like I say the same things over and over again as I write here. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself.
143. The constancy of God (it is a word, I looked it up)
144. The speeches, sermons, books, movies, songs, stories, people, etc who inspire and motivate
145. The Man Who Knew Too Much (funniest movie ever - if you haven't seen it, you should)
146. Enough hours on a Saturday that you can procrastinate a little
147. The "edit" box
Guess I'll go vaccum now!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Life is like a CANOE TRIP
A few good thoughts from the day. . . . on the way to work I heard this said on the radio. . .
"You should live your life to make a difference rather than a statement". I like that. I want to do that.
The theme for our school year. . . "Believe it can be done". I like that too, on lots of levels. Have you ever talked with someone, trying to help them solve a problem, only to have them insist that NOTHING will work, that there are NO options? I think I have probably been on both ends of conversations like that (just ask Woody). It's kind of like forcing myself to think outside the box. . . .and more importantly, making sure I'm not trying to put God in a box.
And. . . . from my sister-in-law, Haidi . . . ."Life is like a canoe trip". I like it Haidi. It definitely has more depth than hot sauce. The ending analogy. . . a vacation can turn into an endurance adventure, and the journey is more than worth it! :) Your explanation kind of made me want to go on one!
137. Driving to work with the air conditioning blasting and the radio blaring a great song
138. Collaborative problem solving
139. Believing GOD can do it
140. Adventures
141. Weekends (and school is JUST starting!)
"You should live your life to make a difference rather than a statement". I like that. I want to do that.
The theme for our school year. . . "Believe it can be done". I like that too, on lots of levels. Have you ever talked with someone, trying to help them solve a problem, only to have them insist that NOTHING will work, that there are NO options? I think I have probably been on both ends of conversations like that (just ask Woody). It's kind of like forcing myself to think outside the box. . . .and more importantly, making sure I'm not trying to put God in a box.
And. . . . from my sister-in-law, Haidi . . . ."Life is like a canoe trip". I like it Haidi. It definitely has more depth than hot sauce. The ending analogy. . . a vacation can turn into an endurance adventure, and the journey is more than worth it! :) Your explanation kind of made me want to go on one!
137. Driving to work with the air conditioning blasting and the radio blaring a great song
138. Collaborative problem solving
139. Believing GOD can do it
140. Adventures
141. Weekends (and school is JUST starting!)
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Life is like hot sauce. . . . ????
132. My daughter-in-law's blog (kimmyswenson.blogspot.com) - love it!
133. Getting ready for a new school year - crazy and chaotic - but fun too
134. Air conditioning - such a WONDERFUL invention!
135. Kids - mine and kids in general - all ages
136. Things that help me re-focus and "get a grip" when I miss Sara so much I literally feel like my chest is caving in and I can't breathe
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about and miss Sara. I LIKE thinking about her and missing her. I don't want that to go away. But. . . .there are random times when something hits me, and my heart just doesn't want to believe that she's really gone. Those are the times when I feel like an iron fist hits me in the stomach and then squeezes my chest so that I can barely breathe. It really is a constant and daily choice of focus. . . thankful or despairing. . . . acceptance of God's will or my ridiculous attempts at control. . . .
This morning I found myself wondering why I seem to have such a hard time keeping my focus on God, and keeping a thankful spirit. Is it a season of life. . . getting old and achy. . . lack of sleep. . . losing Sara. . . empty nest. . . the heartaches everywhere. . . spiritual immaturity. . . a bad attitude. . . all of the above? I think there is NO season of life that is easy. Every season has it's challenges. Maybe it is the faulty thinking that we (I) should be getting better at handling those challenges. Why should I think I can ever let my guard down? It IS a constant battle that we all face.
I'm getting tired of the rollercoaster of life analogy and need a new word picture. This morning in the shower (one of my thinking places), I had this crazy thought. . . . Life is like hot sauce. . . it may be mild, medium, or hot. . . .but it's going to be there. It made sense to me this morning, but now that I write it here. . . it sounds kind of hokey. Oh well, maybe tomorrow I'll have a better one.
133. Getting ready for a new school year - crazy and chaotic - but fun too
134. Air conditioning - such a WONDERFUL invention!
135. Kids - mine and kids in general - all ages
136. Things that help me re-focus and "get a grip" when I miss Sara so much I literally feel like my chest is caving in and I can't breathe
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about and miss Sara. I LIKE thinking about her and missing her. I don't want that to go away. But. . . .there are random times when something hits me, and my heart just doesn't want to believe that she's really gone. Those are the times when I feel like an iron fist hits me in the stomach and then squeezes my chest so that I can barely breathe. It really is a constant and daily choice of focus. . . thankful or despairing. . . . acceptance of God's will or my ridiculous attempts at control. . . .
This morning I found myself wondering why I seem to have such a hard time keeping my focus on God, and keeping a thankful spirit. Is it a season of life. . . getting old and achy. . . lack of sleep. . . losing Sara. . . empty nest. . . the heartaches everywhere. . . spiritual immaturity. . . a bad attitude. . . all of the above? I think there is NO season of life that is easy. Every season has it's challenges. Maybe it is the faulty thinking that we (I) should be getting better at handling those challenges. Why should I think I can ever let my guard down? It IS a constant battle that we all face.
I'm getting tired of the rollercoaster of life analogy and need a new word picture. This morning in the shower (one of my thinking places), I had this crazy thought. . . . Life is like hot sauce. . . it may be mild, medium, or hot. . . .but it's going to be there. It made sense to me this morning, but now that I write it here. . . it sounds kind of hokey. Oh well, maybe tomorrow I'll have a better one.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
round and round and up and down
120. Fall is coming (not for awhile. . . but surely coming)
121. Knowing that air conditioning does exist, and there are places you can go to experience it, even if it isn't my house (half-hearted swamp cooler), or at work (air conditioning under repairs)
122. Fallon temperatures in the low hundreds instead of the "teen" hundreds as it is in Phoenix and other places
123. ICE water
124. Fans
125. ICE COLD watermelon
(Do you get the idea that I'm hot??)
126. Parkside Bible Fellowship
127. Numa Elementary School
128. CCHS girl's soccer
129. CCHS / Community musical theater
130. Jobs and community opportunities that provide Woody and I with active/creative outlets that make us get out and among people - when otherwise we might just hole up and "hermitize"
131. Conversations with dear people that help give new and broader perspective
I think I have always had a tendency to be rather introspective and contemplative. . . but lately I feel like I have become even more so. Perhaps that is due to the seemingly constant need to keep sorting out my rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes I think I can ease up my grip a little. . . . but then I round a curve and take another plunge. I suppose that is just the ride of this life. . . that we are all on. I find it hard to talk with anyone about the "ride". I end up thinking that is probably a "control issue". I want to be able to figure it out, to be able to "hold myself together". . . . or whatever you call it. And mostly, I just. . . . .can't.
And. . . I know it's because it isn't about me. . . it's about God, and what He has done and is doing. I was talking with some friends this last Sunday about the music from The Story, which caused me to look online and research that a little more. "The Story" is a collection of Bible stories. . . .but the emphasis is that the stories are not really about the people. . . . but the truth about WHO God is and what HE does in and through people. That in itself is a concept that I need to keep wrapping my brain around.
It has been another difficult week in Fallon, with another family losing their precious 18 year old son in a tragic accident, that also took the lives of 3 others. We can't see the rhyme or reason for these tragedies. . . and even if we could, they would still be hard to accept. Lifting up the families and all those hurting. . . .
121. Knowing that air conditioning does exist, and there are places you can go to experience it, even if it isn't my house (half-hearted swamp cooler), or at work (air conditioning under repairs)
122. Fallon temperatures in the low hundreds instead of the "teen" hundreds as it is in Phoenix and other places
123. ICE water
124. Fans
125. ICE COLD watermelon
(Do you get the idea that I'm hot??)
126. Parkside Bible Fellowship
127. Numa Elementary School
128. CCHS girl's soccer
129. CCHS / Community musical theater
130. Jobs and community opportunities that provide Woody and I with active/creative outlets that make us get out and among people - when otherwise we might just hole up and "hermitize"
131. Conversations with dear people that help give new and broader perspective
I think I have always had a tendency to be rather introspective and contemplative. . . but lately I feel like I have become even more so. Perhaps that is due to the seemingly constant need to keep sorting out my rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes I think I can ease up my grip a little. . . . but then I round a curve and take another plunge. I suppose that is just the ride of this life. . . that we are all on. I find it hard to talk with anyone about the "ride". I end up thinking that is probably a "control issue". I want to be able to figure it out, to be able to "hold myself together". . . . or whatever you call it. And mostly, I just. . . . .can't.
And. . . I know it's because it isn't about me. . . it's about God, and what He has done and is doing. I was talking with some friends this last Sunday about the music from The Story, which caused me to look online and research that a little more. "The Story" is a collection of Bible stories. . . .but the emphasis is that the stories are not really about the people. . . . but the truth about WHO God is and what HE does in and through people. That in itself is a concept that I need to keep wrapping my brain around.
It has been another difficult week in Fallon, with another family losing their precious 18 year old son in a tragic accident, that also took the lives of 3 others. We can't see the rhyme or reason for these tragedies. . . and even if we could, they would still be hard to accept. Lifting up the families and all those hurting. . . .
Monday, August 6, 2012
A few for the road. . . .
112. Listening to Sam play his guitar and lead worship - with Kimberly harmonizing next to me
113. The body of Christ - all over the world
114. Brett's monkey bread
115. The fact that Fred Meyer's DOES sell pumpkin pie in AUGUST (not that I'm a big fan of pumpkin pie - just sayin')
116. A two year old who really only wants to wear Nike brand clothes - Nike shorts, t-shirt, shoes, and hat - and the fact that he knows the difference - could get expensive later on
117. Ross Dress for Less (the whole name) - in reference to #116
118. A trip to the zoo
119. Air-conditioning. . . and how much more thankful we are for it when we DON'T have it!
113. The body of Christ - all over the world
114. Brett's monkey bread
115. The fact that Fred Meyer's DOES sell pumpkin pie in AUGUST (not that I'm a big fan of pumpkin pie - just sayin')
116. A two year old who really only wants to wear Nike brand clothes - Nike shorts, t-shirt, shoes, and hat - and the fact that he knows the difference - could get expensive later on
117. Ross Dress for Less (the whole name) - in reference to #116
118. A trip to the zoo
119. Air-conditioning. . . and how much more thankful we are for it when we DON'T have it!
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Seasonal Food????
Whoever knew that pumpkin pancakes are seasonal food???? My family assures me that the pancake restaurant is totally legitimate in only serving pumpkin pancakes from September through February, since pumpkin is a fall specialty. All morning, and on the way to the restaurant, I just smiled at all of them because I KNEW that I remembered seeing pumpkin pancakes PRINTED on the menu. What I hadn't remembered was the fine print underneath (available September - February). Oh well! I ended up sharing a strawberry waffle with Sam (along with a mushroom omelet), which was delicious. . . . especially because of the real, HOMEMADE whipped cream! But seriously. . . . I still maintain that since pumpkin is a CANNED food, there really is no excuse NOT to serve pumpkin pancakes ALL YEAR LONG!
On another note. . . . there are several books out there that claim a death and back to life experience. I can't remember the names of all of them that I have read. . . Heaven is For Real is one. The authors talk about their experience in heaven, seeing angels, and being with Jesus. Before Sara passed away, I basically ignored these books, assuming that the authors were just sensationalizing their experience. Since her death, I have been inexplicably drawn to these stories. I know she is happy and safe with Jesus. . . . but I would like so much to know the DETAILS.
The latest book I found is called To Heaven and Back by Mary C. Neal, who is an orthopaedic surgeon. This one touched me in a deeper way, as she talked not only about her drowning experience in a kayak accident, but also about the evidences of God's work throughout her life, and later on, the death of her oldest son. It was interesting and significant to me that she didn't write about her own experience until after her son died. What she expressed was that the overwhelming emotion for her and her husband during the first few years after his death was fear . . . fear of never emerging from the emotional fog, fear of never again being able to experience joy, fear of failing our remaining children, fear of forgetting. . . . I so relate to these fears. On the flip side, I also relate to her assurance and acknowledgement of the continuing and active presence of God in her life. . . never coincidences. . . . the work of a loving heavenly Father accomplishing my good for His glory.
On another note. . . . there are several books out there that claim a death and back to life experience. I can't remember the names of all of them that I have read. . . Heaven is For Real is one. The authors talk about their experience in heaven, seeing angels, and being with Jesus. Before Sara passed away, I basically ignored these books, assuming that the authors were just sensationalizing their experience. Since her death, I have been inexplicably drawn to these stories. I know she is happy and safe with Jesus. . . . but I would like so much to know the DETAILS.
The latest book I found is called To Heaven and Back by Mary C. Neal, who is an orthopaedic surgeon. This one touched me in a deeper way, as she talked not only about her drowning experience in a kayak accident, but also about the evidences of God's work throughout her life, and later on, the death of her oldest son. It was interesting and significant to me that she didn't write about her own experience until after her son died. What she expressed was that the overwhelming emotion for her and her husband during the first few years after his death was fear . . . fear of never emerging from the emotional fog, fear of never again being able to experience joy, fear of failing our remaining children, fear of forgetting. . . . I so relate to these fears. On the flip side, I also relate to her assurance and acknowledgement of the continuing and active presence of God in her life. . . never coincidences. . . . the work of a loving heavenly Father accomplishing my good for His glory.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Moments that take your breath away. . . .
101. 33 years with the love of my life - Happy Anniversary Woody!
102. The Original Pancake House in Salem, Oregon
103. Pumpkin pancakes with REAL whipped cream
104. The denseness and varied greens of Oregon vegetation - gorgeous!
105. Playing baseball, golf, lacrosse, and hockey all at the same time - with Wyatt
106. The different perspectives we gain from books. . . and conversation
107. Our children and spouses. . . and grandchild. . . priceless
108. Walks in old neighborhoods
109. Summer Olympics
110. A change of scenery
111. Moments that take your breath away
Sam and Kimberly moved out of their apartment and into an older little house in an older neigborhood in Salem. Last night we all took a walk and followed a dead end street up a hill where the houses and landscape got more and more charming with every step we took. At the end of the lane we stepped up to a break in the trees and this was the view (picture taken by Kimberly). Yes. . . . a moment that took our breath away. I do love Oregon!
I haven't blogged for awhile. My thoughts and comtemplations sometimes become stale, and I just sit staring at the blank screen. I am so thankful for a change of scenery and different perspectives. I read a book that surprised and helped me on our drive up to Oregon. . . . but I'll share that next time. Getting ready to go celebrate our anniversary with a family breakfast at the Original Pancake House (perhaps my favorite restaurant). Heidi and Brady we miss you and wish you were here!!!! If we could we'd all come to Phoenix for dinner at Oregano's ( my favorite Phoenix restaurant).
102. The Original Pancake House in Salem, Oregon
103. Pumpkin pancakes with REAL whipped cream
104. The denseness and varied greens of Oregon vegetation - gorgeous!
105. Playing baseball, golf, lacrosse, and hockey all at the same time - with Wyatt
106. The different perspectives we gain from books. . . and conversation
107. Our children and spouses. . . and grandchild. . . priceless
108. Walks in old neighborhoods
109. Summer Olympics
110. A change of scenery
111. Moments that take your breath away
Sam and Kimberly moved out of their apartment and into an older little house in an older neigborhood in Salem. Last night we all took a walk and followed a dead end street up a hill where the houses and landscape got more and more charming with every step we took. At the end of the lane we stepped up to a break in the trees and this was the view (picture taken by Kimberly). Yes. . . . a moment that took our breath away. I do love Oregon!
I haven't blogged for awhile. My thoughts and comtemplations sometimes become stale, and I just sit staring at the blank screen. I am so thankful for a change of scenery and different perspectives. I read a book that surprised and helped me on our drive up to Oregon. . . . but I'll share that next time. Getting ready to go celebrate our anniversary with a family breakfast at the Original Pancake House (perhaps my favorite restaurant). Heidi and Brady we miss you and wish you were here!!!! If we could we'd all come to Phoenix for dinner at Oregano's ( my favorite Phoenix restaurant).
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Proof of HIS love . . .
96. Days full of kids + music + fairy tales = a great summer musical!
97. An afternoon nap
98. So You Think You Can Dance (I do miss watching it with Sara)
99. Chicken with green beans, mushrooms & cashews
100. Songs on the radio that stick in your head
I heard a great song on the radio last week that keeps running through my head. I feel a little like God is using that to challenge my heart at this time in my life. One of the things I've struggled with this past year (plus) is the tendency to put up barriers and avoid people or things that require any depth of caring or emotion. I just don't feel like I have the strength for it. I'm not proud to admit it. . . but sometimes I find myself thinking. . . I just don't care. When I heard this song, I was convicted. I DO want my life to be proof of God's love. I DO want my life to reflect HIS love. . .no matter what. God's love embodies so many things. . . . grace, mercy, compassion, joy, caring, committment, sacrifice, selflessness, forgiveness. . . . . and so much more. I pray He continues to work on me to make these things true in my life. . . or rather, I should say, I pray He helps me surrender to His work in me.
Proof of Your Love - For King and Country
If I sing but don't have love,
I waste my breath with every song,
I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise.
If I speak with a silver tongue,
Convince a crowd but don't have love,
I leave a bitter taste with every word I say.
So let my life be the proof, the proof of Your love.
Let my love look like You, and what You're made of,
How You lived, how You died, love is sacrifice.
So let my life be the proof, the proof of Your love.
97. An afternoon nap
98. So You Think You Can Dance (I do miss watching it with Sara)
99. Chicken with green beans, mushrooms & cashews
100. Songs on the radio that stick in your head
I heard a great song on the radio last week that keeps running through my head. I feel a little like God is using that to challenge my heart at this time in my life. One of the things I've struggled with this past year (plus) is the tendency to put up barriers and avoid people or things that require any depth of caring or emotion. I just don't feel like I have the strength for it. I'm not proud to admit it. . . but sometimes I find myself thinking. . . I just don't care. When I heard this song, I was convicted. I DO want my life to be proof of God's love. I DO want my life to reflect HIS love. . .no matter what. God's love embodies so many things. . . . grace, mercy, compassion, joy, caring, committment, sacrifice, selflessness, forgiveness. . . . . and so much more. I pray He continues to work on me to make these things true in my life. . . or rather, I should say, I pray He helps me surrender to His work in me.
Proof of Your Love - For King and Country
If I sing but don't have love,
I waste my breath with every song,
I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise.
If I speak with a silver tongue,
Convince a crowd but don't have love,
I leave a bitter taste with every word I say.
So let my life be the proof, the proof of Your love.
Let my love look like You, and what You're made of,
How You lived, how You died, love is sacrifice.
So let my life be the proof, the proof of Your love.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Happy Birthday Sara
86. Scrabble on my Kindle. . . my new favorite thing
87. Gerber daisies
88. Polka dots. . . that remind you of Baskin Robbins
89. Cooking without a recipe
90. Dreams of loved ones ( I finally dreamed about Sara!)
91. The love of Sara's friends
92. The fact that we don't ever know exactly what the future holds
93. The realization that #92 is a huge blessing and gift from God. . . in HIS hands
94. Birthdays & birthday memories
95. Cinnamon & sugar tortilla ice cream bowls. . . .YES!
Today is Sara's birthday, a happy/sad day. It's a sad day because we miss her. . . but it's a blessing to remember and celebrate the 22 years that we had with her. I woke up sad. . . .but there are just so many good things to remember. . . . so today I will focus on those. Sara was very good at CHOOSING to be happy. . . . choosing to be thankful. . . choosing to focus on where God had her in the moment. Happy Birthday Sara.
87. Gerber daisies
88. Polka dots. . . that remind you of Baskin Robbins
89. Cooking without a recipe
90. Dreams of loved ones ( I finally dreamed about Sara!)
91. The love of Sara's friends
92. The fact that we don't ever know exactly what the future holds
93. The realization that #92 is a huge blessing and gift from God. . . in HIS hands
94. Birthdays & birthday memories
95. Cinnamon & sugar tortilla ice cream bowls. . . .YES!
Today is Sara's birthday, a happy/sad day. It's a sad day because we miss her. . . but it's a blessing to remember and celebrate the 22 years that we had with her. I woke up sad. . . .but there are just so many good things to remember. . . . so today I will focus on those. Sara was very good at CHOOSING to be happy. . . . choosing to be thankful. . . choosing to focus on where God had her in the moment. Happy Birthday Sara.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
??????
Sometimes there is an overwhelming desire for what I know I can't have. Daily choices to get up, go on, and be thankful. It seems no matter how hard I try, I always circle back around to feeling like life just isn't right. I know I have much to be thankful for. . . I know Sara is better off. . . I know others have struggles that are even more difficult. . . I know God is good . . .I know life is hard . . I know it could very likely get harder. It is hard to believe that Sara has been for gone over a year. I sometimes even wish for the times we were traveling to San Francisco for chemo. . . how selfish is that!! She would turn 24 next Tuesday. I still can't even bring myself to have her phone cancelled. So silly.
Staying busy seems to be the easiest. Socializing is not high on my list. . . although we have had great times with friends lately. Cleaning, yardwork, creative projects, reading, music. . . all good.
81. God's patience with my obstinance
82. Road trips
83. Sleeping in the car - while Woody's driving (what a great guy!)
84. Farmer's markets
85. The connection of smells with memories. . .good ones
Staying busy seems to be the easiest. Socializing is not high on my list. . . although we have had great times with friends lately. Cleaning, yardwork, creative projects, reading, music. . . all good.
81. God's patience with my obstinance
82. Road trips
83. Sleeping in the car - while Woody's driving (what a great guy!)
84. Farmer's markets
85. The connection of smells with memories. . .good ones
Monday, June 25, 2012
Summertime
68. Summertime
69. Summer projects
70. Completed projects
71. Reading (books and on KINDLE!)
72. Friends & Family (might have listed that before. . .but reserving the right to list things multiple times)
73. Ice cream cones. . . BIG ones
74. Weddings
75. Re-connecting
76. Painting
77. The thinking time that vacuuming provides. . . and even dusting!
78. Plants that don't die. . . pretty plants. . . not weeds
79. The blessing of a job. . . and the blessing of time off
80. Forgiveness (will also be listed multiple times)
It is good for me to start a post by listing some gifts. . . it really is a daily (and sometimes hourly) choice to be thankful. There are so many blessings, and so many constant gifts from God, and yet life just IS so often bittersweet. We had a lovely time this weekend celebrating the wedding of a lovely young couple. . . dear friends. A friend asked me if it was hard to be at a wedding. . . thinking about Sara. I replied. . ."It's hard to be at everything". I miss her always. I miss her life celebrations, and even her life struggles. But I know we can't forever avoid life because of the pain of missing her. It is learning to live with the "hole". Sometimes we try to pretend it's not there and sometimes we just want to crawl in it, but by God's grace we learn to live with it. We had some precious time this weekend, visiting with several friends, and I'm thankful that we were able to talk about Sara.
So many blessings!! Sandy, my sister-in-law and friend, sent me a Kindle! And Jenny, another dear friend, loaned me a couple of her old books (two volumes of The Wide Wide World written in 1850) to read. The best of both worlds right there!! It is kind of amazing to have both sitting side by side on my desk. I love it!
I admitted to myself this weekend that I really like to clean my house. My kids are probably saying, "Wow mom! You just figured that out?" I readily admit that I like to clean. I feel like some of my best thinking time is while I'm vacuuming. Woody always cringes when I've been vacuuming and then come looking for him to share some random thoughts (and I really mean RANDOM!) But this past weekend we had some company coming to stay (for the wedding), and so I decided I should probably dust too (which I usually do NOT enjoy). For some reason, this time I took notice of so many things we have around the house that are pieces of our family. . . memories of Woody & I, and ALL of our kids. It was a little bittersweet, but tons more sweet than bitter, and I loved it. Thank you Lord.
I also spent some time in the front yard. I do not have a very green thumb, so things that we plant really need to be pretty hardy and rather independent. It is so lovely to actually have roses on our rose bushes!
Kind of funny to be amazed by that. . . but what can I say? I was also inspired by a friend to do some creative garden decoration. In my cleaning I found some flower stakes (lawn art style) that I had bought, intending to put them out at Sara's grave (but then decided not to). As I was working in the yard I found a faded sunflower stepping stone that had gotten mostly covered up due to blowing dirt. . . and ants. So I made a little project out of those and created a fresh look for our front porch. I even repainted the sunflower with Sara's paint supplies, which felt really good. Very simple, but it was fun, and it has special meaning for me. Again. . . thank you Lord!
69. Summer projects
70. Completed projects
71. Reading (books and on KINDLE!)
72. Friends & Family (might have listed that before. . .but reserving the right to list things multiple times)
73. Ice cream cones. . . BIG ones
74. Weddings
75. Re-connecting
76. Painting
77. The thinking time that vacuuming provides. . . and even dusting!
78. Plants that don't die. . . pretty plants. . . not weeds
79. The blessing of a job. . . and the blessing of time off
80. Forgiveness (will also be listed multiple times)
It is good for me to start a post by listing some gifts. . . it really is a daily (and sometimes hourly) choice to be thankful. There are so many blessings, and so many constant gifts from God, and yet life just IS so often bittersweet. We had a lovely time this weekend celebrating the wedding of a lovely young couple. . . dear friends. A friend asked me if it was hard to be at a wedding. . . thinking about Sara. I replied. . ."It's hard to be at everything". I miss her always. I miss her life celebrations, and even her life struggles. But I know we can't forever avoid life because of the pain of missing her. It is learning to live with the "hole". Sometimes we try to pretend it's not there and sometimes we just want to crawl in it, but by God's grace we learn to live with it. We had some precious time this weekend, visiting with several friends, and I'm thankful that we were able to talk about Sara.
So many blessings!! Sandy, my sister-in-law and friend, sent me a Kindle! And Jenny, another dear friend, loaned me a couple of her old books (two volumes of The Wide Wide World written in 1850) to read. The best of both worlds right there!! It is kind of amazing to have both sitting side by side on my desk. I love it!
I admitted to myself this weekend that I really like to clean my house. My kids are probably saying, "Wow mom! You just figured that out?" I readily admit that I like to clean. I feel like some of my best thinking time is while I'm vacuuming. Woody always cringes when I've been vacuuming and then come looking for him to share some random thoughts (and I really mean RANDOM!) But this past weekend we had some company coming to stay (for the wedding), and so I decided I should probably dust too (which I usually do NOT enjoy). For some reason, this time I took notice of so many things we have around the house that are pieces of our family. . . memories of Woody & I, and ALL of our kids. It was a little bittersweet, but tons more sweet than bitter, and I loved it. Thank you Lord.
I also spent some time in the front yard. I do not have a very green thumb, so things that we plant really need to be pretty hardy and rather independent. It is so lovely to actually have roses on our rose bushes!
Kind of funny to be amazed by that. . . but what can I say? I was also inspired by a friend to do some creative garden decoration. In my cleaning I found some flower stakes (lawn art style) that I had bought, intending to put them out at Sara's grave (but then decided not to). As I was working in the yard I found a faded sunflower stepping stone that had gotten mostly covered up due to blowing dirt. . . and ants. So I made a little project out of those and created a fresh look for our front porch. I even repainted the sunflower with Sara's paint supplies, which felt really good. Very simple, but it was fun, and it has special meaning for me. Again. . . thank you Lord!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Musicals and Memories
63. School district jobs - with time off in the summer
64. Fans & swamp coolers
65. Early mornings (especially when you don't have to go anywhere)
66. Did I say musicals?
I want to say that "Wicked" is one of my favorite musicals ever. . . . but I think I remember saying that last summer after going to see "Annie Get Your Gun". . . and of course I would also say the same about anything connected to "The Music Man", which will always be a favorite. I also want to see "Les Miserables", which my daughter-in-law says is her favorite. So, I think perhaps "favorites" have to do with what you happen to be experiencing at the moment. Kind of like ice cream or frozen yogurt flavors. . . chocolate, coffee, jamoca almond fudge, orange dreamsicle, oregon blackberry, strawberry cheesecake. . . . . well, that list certainly could go on and on!!
Woody and I got to go to Sacramento for a "date weekend" last Friday night and Saturday, which is where we saw "Wicked". . . (for the second time). We had seats way up in the highest balcony, which we weren't too excited about at first. But let me tell you. . . .it didn't make a bit of difference. . . actually, they were great seats. . . .right in the middle. . . . and being so high up and far back gave a great perspective of the big picture. I have always loved the story of the Wizard of Oz, and also read Tik Tok of Oz, and Rinkitink in Oz when I was a little girl. I still have old copies of these books(copyrighted 1914 and 1916). With that history, my expectations of this musical were pretty high. . . . and I was not disappointed. . . even seeing it for the second time. A favorite line. . . . Elphaba to Glinda. . . "Well, we can't all come and go in a bubble!" Which maybe can only be appreciated after you've seen the show, or at least the movie Wizard of Oz.
It is hard sometimes when we go to musicals. Woody and I both get emotional at random times, seemingly unrelated to the musical story line. I think it is just knowing how much Sara loved musicals, both watching them and participating on stage. She loved "Wicked", and often said she wished she could play Glinda. We even named our GPS Glinda when we bought it in San Francisco, as we tried to navigate all the medical facilities we had to find with Sara that first summer after she was diagnosed with cancer.
The other good memory from being at that theater in Sacramento was the last time we all went to a musical together as a family. I think it was the Christmas of 2006, when all the kids came home and we went to Sacramento to see "White Christmas", another family favorite (of the girls' anyway). We tease Brady and Brett every year we have Christmas together that we are going to make them watch it.
67. Good memories
64. Fans & swamp coolers
65. Early mornings (especially when you don't have to go anywhere)
66. Did I say musicals?
I want to say that "Wicked" is one of my favorite musicals ever. . . . but I think I remember saying that last summer after going to see "Annie Get Your Gun". . . and of course I would also say the same about anything connected to "The Music Man", which will always be a favorite. I also want to see "Les Miserables", which my daughter-in-law says is her favorite. So, I think perhaps "favorites" have to do with what you happen to be experiencing at the moment. Kind of like ice cream or frozen yogurt flavors. . . chocolate, coffee, jamoca almond fudge, orange dreamsicle, oregon blackberry, strawberry cheesecake. . . . . well, that list certainly could go on and on!!
Woody and I got to go to Sacramento for a "date weekend" last Friday night and Saturday, which is where we saw "Wicked". . . (for the second time). We had seats way up in the highest balcony, which we weren't too excited about at first. But let me tell you. . . .it didn't make a bit of difference. . . actually, they were great seats. . . .right in the middle. . . . and being so high up and far back gave a great perspective of the big picture. I have always loved the story of the Wizard of Oz, and also read Tik Tok of Oz, and Rinkitink in Oz when I was a little girl. I still have old copies of these books(copyrighted 1914 and 1916). With that history, my expectations of this musical were pretty high. . . . and I was not disappointed. . . even seeing it for the second time. A favorite line. . . . Elphaba to Glinda. . . "Well, we can't all come and go in a bubble!" Which maybe can only be appreciated after you've seen the show, or at least the movie Wizard of Oz.
It is hard sometimes when we go to musicals. Woody and I both get emotional at random times, seemingly unrelated to the musical story line. I think it is just knowing how much Sara loved musicals, both watching them and participating on stage. She loved "Wicked", and often said she wished she could play Glinda. We even named our GPS Glinda when we bought it in San Francisco, as we tried to navigate all the medical facilities we had to find with Sara that first summer after she was diagnosed with cancer.
The other good memory from being at that theater in Sacramento was the last time we all went to a musical together as a family. I think it was the Christmas of 2006, when all the kids came home and we went to Sacramento to see "White Christmas", another family favorite (of the girls' anyway). We tease Brady and Brett every year we have Christmas together that we are going to make them watch it.
67. Good memories
Friday, June 15, 2012
Live Like That
54. Brady & Heidi - Happy Anniversary!
55. Woody - Happy early Father's Day
56. My amazing Dad - enjoying heaven
57. So many things that can be done mathematically - learned from my Dad
58. Getting together with Sara's friends - love them!
59. The quiet, green, sunshine, and shade of the cemetery - eating lunch and thinking of Sara - forever sunshine
60. Musicals - going, watching, doing
61. Teenagers & young people
62. Great songs. . . like the following. . .
Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets
Sometimes I think, what will people say of me
when I'm only just a memory, when I'm home where my soul belongs.
Was I "love" when no one else would show up?
Was I "Jesus" to the least of us? Was my worship more than just a song?
I wanna live like that, and give it all I have,
so that everything I say and do points to You.
If love is who I am, then this is where I stand;
Recklessly abandoned, never holding back. I wanna live like that!
Am I proof that You are who You say You are,
and grace can really change a heart? Do I live like Your love is true?
People pass, and even if they don't know my name,
is there evidence that I've been changed? When they see me, do they see You?
I wanna live like that, and give it all I have,
so that everything I say and do points to You.
If love is who I am, then this is where I stand;
Recklessly abandoned, never holding back. I wanna live like that!
I wanna show the world the love You gave for me.
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King!
I wanna live like that. . . .
55. Woody - Happy early Father's Day
56. My amazing Dad - enjoying heaven
57. So many things that can be done mathematically - learned from my Dad
58. Getting together with Sara's friends - love them!
59. The quiet, green, sunshine, and shade of the cemetery - eating lunch and thinking of Sara - forever sunshine
60. Musicals - going, watching, doing
61. Teenagers & young people
62. Great songs. . . like the following. . .
Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets
Sometimes I think, what will people say of me
when I'm only just a memory, when I'm home where my soul belongs.
Was I "love" when no one else would show up?
Was I "Jesus" to the least of us? Was my worship more than just a song?
I wanna live like that, and give it all I have,
so that everything I say and do points to You.
If love is who I am, then this is where I stand;
Recklessly abandoned, never holding back. I wanna live like that!
Am I proof that You are who You say You are,
and grace can really change a heart? Do I live like Your love is true?
People pass, and even if they don't know my name,
is there evidence that I've been changed? When they see me, do they see You?
I wanna live like that, and give it all I have,
so that everything I say and do points to You.
If love is who I am, then this is where I stand;
Recklessly abandoned, never holding back. I wanna live like that!
I wanna show the world the love You gave for me.
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King!
I wanna live like that. . . .
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Books
46. Amazing technology
47. Old books
48. Used book stores, book exchanges, libraries
49. A thesaurus
50. Friends who know how to do things you don't
51. Summer cleaning
52. Getting caught up and re-organized
53. People that love books as much as I do
So funny this morning. . . I was getting ready to sit down to write, and Woody (not even knowing I was headed to the computer) said, "I have something for your list". I said, "What list?" (first assuming that he meant my list of things to do). Instead, he said, "Your list of one thousand gifts. . . . a thesaurus! What a great idea someone had!" The thing that was so perfect, was that the thankful thoughts I wanted to share today stemmed from some old books I had found while cleaning things out these past few days, and I would absolutely put a thesaurus on my list!
One thing I found, while rearranging a book shelf, is an old book of my dad's. It was copywrited in 1938, and entitled "A Dictionary of Synonyms and Antonyms. . . with 5000 words often mispronounced". I even love the title! It is very similar to a thesaurus, but what really caught my fancy (besides the fact that it belonged to my dad) was opening it up and reading the preface. You'll have to excuse me. . . but I do NEED to give you just a little taste. . .
"This volume needs few words to introduce it, as its object is apparent to the most casual reader. It was written to help those who use it in finding the exact words they need to express their written and spoken thoughts, with a minimum expenditure of time and effort, and a maximum reward in efficiency and accuracy. . . . .Everyone at some time finds himself groping futilely for a word to describe exactly the idea he wishes to convey; it may be a word to be used as a substitute for another in order to give variety of expression, or it may be one that, although familiar, eludes him at the moment so that he has to pause and ponder, losing time in trying to recall the one word that will suit. It is at such moments that the wise man will reach for this volume, and find immediately the word he wants."
I don't know why I love that. . . most of you are probably thinking. . . "What is wrong with this woman??!!"
I just love reading, and I love writing, and like Woody says. . . . what a great idea someone had!!
My other precious find was while I was sorting boxes of used books at school this week. Our student council collects used books every year at Christmas to hold a Christmas Book Exchange for our student body. We had several boxes left over, which have been sitting in my office for months collecting dust. . . and other things. I've had time this week to clean out and re-organized in my office. . . . and actually spent quite a lovely morning sorting all the books. The treasure I found is "The Collected Tales of Nurse Matilda", which is the book behind the movie Nanny McPhee. The precious thing about this book is that sometime early last spring, Sara and I watched that movie. We both loved it and I told Sara that I thought it was based on an old book. She promptly put it on her reading list and we went on a half-hearted hunt for it. . . never finding it. I didn't know at the time that it was actually called Nurse Matilda. It was originally published in the UK in 1964. And yes. . . I do need to give you a little taste of this too. . .
"Once upon a time there was a huge family of children; and they were terribly, terribly naughty. In those days, mothers and fathers used to have much larger families than they do now; and these large families often were naughty. The mothers and fathers had to have all sorts of nurses and nannies and governesses (who were often French or German) to look after all their naughty children. This family I'm telling you about seemed to have more children, and naughtier children, than any other. There were so many of them that I shan't even tell you their names but leave you to sort them out as you go along, and add up how many there were. Even their parents had to think of them in groups. There were the Big Ones and the Middling Ones and the Little Ones and the Littlest Ones, and the Baby. The baby was really a splendid character . . . "
Okay, I'll stop. I wish Sara was here to read it and laugh with me. But I am grateful I found it. I've been thinking of getting a kindle. I think I'm getting an Ipad through work, which will force me to learn how to use all that technology. . . which I am thankful for too. But even with all the amazing technology of computers and ebooks and kindles and ipads . . . there is just something about holding an old book. It has a history of its own. There is the gift of what's inside and also the mystery of where it has been.
. . .from an avid and everlasting book lover. . .
47. Old books
48. Used book stores, book exchanges, libraries
49. A thesaurus
50. Friends who know how to do things you don't
51. Summer cleaning
52. Getting caught up and re-organized
53. People that love books as much as I do
So funny this morning. . . I was getting ready to sit down to write, and Woody (not even knowing I was headed to the computer) said, "I have something for your list". I said, "What list?" (first assuming that he meant my list of things to do). Instead, he said, "Your list of one thousand gifts. . . . a thesaurus! What a great idea someone had!" The thing that was so perfect, was that the thankful thoughts I wanted to share today stemmed from some old books I had found while cleaning things out these past few days, and I would absolutely put a thesaurus on my list!
One thing I found, while rearranging a book shelf, is an old book of my dad's. It was copywrited in 1938, and entitled "A Dictionary of Synonyms and Antonyms. . . with 5000 words often mispronounced". I even love the title! It is very similar to a thesaurus, but what really caught my fancy (besides the fact that it belonged to my dad) was opening it up and reading the preface. You'll have to excuse me. . . but I do NEED to give you just a little taste. . .
"This volume needs few words to introduce it, as its object is apparent to the most casual reader. It was written to help those who use it in finding the exact words they need to express their written and spoken thoughts, with a minimum expenditure of time and effort, and a maximum reward in efficiency and accuracy. . . . .Everyone at some time finds himself groping futilely for a word to describe exactly the idea he wishes to convey; it may be a word to be used as a substitute for another in order to give variety of expression, or it may be one that, although familiar, eludes him at the moment so that he has to pause and ponder, losing time in trying to recall the one word that will suit. It is at such moments that the wise man will reach for this volume, and find immediately the word he wants."
I don't know why I love that. . . most of you are probably thinking. . . "What is wrong with this woman??!!"
I just love reading, and I love writing, and like Woody says. . . . what a great idea someone had!!
My other precious find was while I was sorting boxes of used books at school this week. Our student council collects used books every year at Christmas to hold a Christmas Book Exchange for our student body. We had several boxes left over, which have been sitting in my office for months collecting dust. . . and other things. I've had time this week to clean out and re-organized in my office. . . . and actually spent quite a lovely morning sorting all the books. The treasure I found is "The Collected Tales of Nurse Matilda", which is the book behind the movie Nanny McPhee. The precious thing about this book is that sometime early last spring, Sara and I watched that movie. We both loved it and I told Sara that I thought it was based on an old book. She promptly put it on her reading list and we went on a half-hearted hunt for it. . . never finding it. I didn't know at the time that it was actually called Nurse Matilda. It was originally published in the UK in 1964. And yes. . . I do need to give you a little taste of this too. . .
"Once upon a time there was a huge family of children; and they were terribly, terribly naughty. In those days, mothers and fathers used to have much larger families than they do now; and these large families often were naughty. The mothers and fathers had to have all sorts of nurses and nannies and governesses (who were often French or German) to look after all their naughty children. This family I'm telling you about seemed to have more children, and naughtier children, than any other. There were so many of them that I shan't even tell you their names but leave you to sort them out as you go along, and add up how many there were. Even their parents had to think of them in groups. There were the Big Ones and the Middling Ones and the Little Ones and the Littlest Ones, and the Baby. The baby was really a splendid character . . . "
Okay, I'll stop. I wish Sara was here to read it and laugh with me. But I am grateful I found it. I've been thinking of getting a kindle. I think I'm getting an Ipad through work, which will force me to learn how to use all that technology. . . which I am thankful for too. But even with all the amazing technology of computers and ebooks and kindles and ipads . . . there is just something about holding an old book. It has a history of its own. There is the gift of what's inside and also the mystery of where it has been.
. . .from an avid and everlasting book lover. . .
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Faith
41. Photographs, Photographers, and Photographees
42. Made up words
43. Gardens
44. Sun tea
45. The color yellow
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Attentive and Aware
I love time that I get to spend with any and all of our children. I loved this past long weekend that I got to spend with Kari & Brett and little Wyatt in Oregon, and being able to see Sam & Kimberly for a little bit as well. I have huge, refreshed appreciation for Kari and for all moms of active toddlers, as I got to babysit for Wyatt for a couple of days while Kari got in some extra hours at work. How do you even take a shower unless someone else is home???? I'd forgotten about that! Have to share a funny Wyatt story. . . . As we were taking a walk around the neighborhood one afternoon, we passed a house where an older man was out working on his car. He had on jeans, but no shirt. As we walked past the house, Wyatt turned to me with his funny little grin and said. . . "Gamma, that man is NAKED!" It made me laugh. Then later, when asked what he had seen on our walk, Wyatt told his mommy & daddy . . . "I saw a naked man!".
I got a new devotional book in the mail from my sister-in-law, Luanne. I love it . . . it is called "Alone in the Presence of God". Today's reading is entitled "Awake and Attentive" A little excerpt. . . "Living in God's presence results in an awakening of your senses to everything around you that pertains to His will. . .You begin to see people from a new perspective, and look at circumstances differently. . . It means adjusting your sights to HIS instead of requesting that He narrow His vision for you. . . It means taking notice of what He is doing and how He is equipping you to join Him. . . It requires that you not only seek Him, but that you anticipate Him. . . Tune yourself to His frequency by being attentive and aware."
Being "attentive and aware". . . . We kind of make a joke in our family about Kari always being very "aware". She is aware as a driver, as she is walking in a store or a parking lot . . . pretty much everywhere. We joke about it, but yet. . . she is constantly attentive and aware of what is going on around her. Wyatt is also very attentive and aware. . . maybe ALL two-year olds are, but he seems to see and notice EVERYTHING. Oh, that we could be constantly attentive and aware of, and to, the presence of God and His working in our lives, to seek Him and anticipate Him. I like that.
31. Coming home
32. Books
33. Birthdays
34. Making connections
35. Coloring
36. Compression socks (kind of strange I know)
37. Open windows
38. Friends and family
39. Potted plants
40. Porches. . . front and back
I got a new devotional book in the mail from my sister-in-law, Luanne. I love it . . . it is called "Alone in the Presence of God". Today's reading is entitled "Awake and Attentive" A little excerpt. . . "Living in God's presence results in an awakening of your senses to everything around you that pertains to His will. . .You begin to see people from a new perspective, and look at circumstances differently. . . It means adjusting your sights to HIS instead of requesting that He narrow His vision for you. . . It means taking notice of what He is doing and how He is equipping you to join Him. . . It requires that you not only seek Him, but that you anticipate Him. . . Tune yourself to His frequency by being attentive and aware."
Being "attentive and aware". . . . We kind of make a joke in our family about Kari always being very "aware". She is aware as a driver, as she is walking in a store or a parking lot . . . pretty much everywhere. We joke about it, but yet. . . she is constantly attentive and aware of what is going on around her. Wyatt is also very attentive and aware. . . maybe ALL two-year olds are, but he seems to see and notice EVERYTHING. Oh, that we could be constantly attentive and aware of, and to, the presence of God and His working in our lives, to seek Him and anticipate Him. I like that.
31. Coming home
32. Books
33. Birthdays
34. Making connections
35. Coloring
36. Compression socks (kind of strange I know)
37. Open windows
38. Friends and family
39. Potted plants
40. Porches. . . front and back
Saturday, June 2, 2012
To the point. . .
20. Conversation with two-year olds (over the phone AND in person)
21. Grandkids
22. Rain on your window while you're sleeping
23. Oregon green
24. Sunshine after rain
25. Graduations
26. Resilience
27. Puppies
28. Sandi Patti
29. Chocolate covered anything (almost)
30. And did I say conversation with two-year olds??? :)
21. Grandkids
22. Rain on your window while you're sleeping
23. Oregon green
24. Sunshine after rain
25. Graduations
26. Resilience
27. Puppies
28. Sandi Patti
29. Chocolate covered anything (almost)
30. And did I say conversation with two-year olds??? :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Oops!
I am trying to go through my days looking for ways to be thankful. There are always plenty of things to be thankful for, but let's be honest. . . . some days it is just more difficult to keep yourself in that grateful mode. I AM grateful, and I intend to continue my list of 10,000 gifts. There are just days. . . .
Looking over my blog tonight, I realized that in my list I went from #13 to #15, skipping #14. Oh dear. . . I would like to blame that on the craziness of the last weeks of school. Hmmm. . . . not extremely sure that is really valid, but we'll go with it anyway. I will insert #14 here, and then move on to #16.
14. Sunshine
16. Flowers in vast arrays of color
17. Playing good music loud on the radio
18. Towels fresh out of the dryer
19. Words that rhyme
Sara. . . You're happy, whole, yet out of reach -
I wish that I could kiss your cheeks.
You sing, you dance, but I can't see -
I wish that with you I could be.
It's been a year, seems like a day -
since you were here with things to say.
I know God's real, I know He's good -
I'm trying to trust Him like I should.
Looking over my blog tonight, I realized that in my list I went from #13 to #15, skipping #14. Oh dear. . . I would like to blame that on the craziness of the last weeks of school. Hmmm. . . . not extremely sure that is really valid, but we'll go with it anyway. I will insert #14 here, and then move on to #16.
14. Sunshine
16. Flowers in vast arrays of color
17. Playing good music loud on the radio
18. Towels fresh out of the dryer
19. Words that rhyme
Sara. . . You're happy, whole, yet out of reach -
I wish that I could kiss your cheeks.
You sing, you dance, but I can't see -
I wish that with you I could be.
It's been a year, seems like a day -
since you were here with things to say.
I know God's real, I know He's good -
I'm trying to trust Him like I should.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Not always easy. . .
"One act of thanksgiving when things go wrong with us, is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations." . . . Saint John of Avila
15. Abundant grace and the constant presence of God. . . even when we have a hard time acknowledging it
15. Abundant grace and the constant presence of God. . . even when we have a hard time acknowledging it
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Hi. . . I'm Norm
I spent a totally enjoyable afternoon in Reno with Maria, LaurelAnne, and Victoria-Leigh today. I had the pleasure of playing the piano for Victoria-Leigh as she performed a violin solo for the regional finals of a Rotary Club music competitiion. We listened to several very talented musicians, Victoria-Leigh did an exceptional job, and an added highlight for me was being given this name-tag to wear. . .
That's my new alias. . . . Norman Swenson. :)
13. Laughter that takes your breath away
Today
On May 19, 2007 we joined the Timmerman family in celebrating the marriage of our two beautiful, intelligent, funny, talented, creative, loving, etc, etc, etc. . . . children, Brett & Kari. They are such a perfect match, and we thank God constantly for the gift of that extension of our family. . . for the joy of THEIR family. Happy anniversary Brett & Kari!
. . . continuing gifts. . .
5. The conversation of 2 year olds - especially our grandson
6. Photographs and the memories they bring
7. Mornings when you don't set your alarm
8. Starting over
9. Music. . .melody, harmony, rhythm, syncopation, dissonance. . .good lyrics
10. Hugs and smiles from children
11. God's forgiveness. . .which allows us to forgive and be forgiven
12. Puttering on a Saturday morning
. . . continuing gifts. . .
5. The conversation of 2 year olds - especially our grandson
6. Photographs and the memories they bring
7. Mornings when you don't set your alarm
8. Starting over
9. Music. . .melody, harmony, rhythm, syncopation, dissonance. . .good lyrics
10. Hugs and smiles from children
11. God's forgiveness. . .which allows us to forgive and be forgiven
12. Puttering on a Saturday morning
Thursday, May 17, 2012
One thousand gifts
I suppose it's normal to have significant events, or the anniversaries thereof, seem to mark the page turns of your life. Some of us mark the passing of years by Christmas, since January begins the ACTUAL new year. For some of us who work in the school system, it seems like August or September is always the beginning of the next chapter. I guess it doesn't really even matter. . . . it's just that May/June seems to be that time for me now. All the sights, sounds, smells, and activities of Spring now remind me of a diagnosis of cancer. . . . . the hope of picking life up again. . . . and the sorrow of a life ended. I think of Sara constantly. But mingled with those memories are also the reminders of graduations. . . weddings. . . birthdays of children and grandchildren, and many other blessings. One thousand gifts. . . . As the page of my life turns this spring, I want to start a continuous list of the daily gifts and blessings in my life. . . . to recognize and name them daily, even amidst the trials and heartaches that will likely be present on a daily basis as well. I won't write them all here (obviously), but my goal is that every time I do write, I will add to that list. I'm fairly certain that if I follow through with this, I will be well BEYOND one thousand by Spring of 2013.
This past weekend I went through boxes of old cards and letters, looking for mother's day cards from Sara from years past. I found several. . . most precious is the last one she wrote to me (2010). I also found lovely notes and cards from Sam, Heidi, and Kari. . . from Woody, and from other friends and family. So, fittingly. . . . to start my list. . .
1. Old or new letters on lined paper - or any paper
2. The power, beauty, and comfort of words
3. Confrontation that helps us solve problems
4. A job that I have to go get ready for
This past weekend I went through boxes of old cards and letters, looking for mother's day cards from Sara from years past. I found several. . . most precious is the last one she wrote to me (2010). I also found lovely notes and cards from Sam, Heidi, and Kari. . . from Woody, and from other friends and family. So, fittingly. . . . to start my list. . .
1. Old or new letters on lined paper - or any paper
2. The power, beauty, and comfort of words
3. Confrontation that helps us solve problems
4. A job that I have to go get ready for
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Window Blessings
Woody and I were blessed with this special gift from friends this week. It is such a special remembrance of Sara and we love it. I was also blessed by another friend with the gift of a great book. . . . it is called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I am only reading a little at a time because I really want to absorb it. I'll give you a "taste" from the jacket of the book. "One Thousand Gifts beckons you to leave the parched ground of pride, fear, and white-knuckle control and abandon yourself to the God who overflows your cup. As Ann Voskamp invites you into her own moments of grace, she gently teaches you how to biblically lament loss, turning pain into poetry. . . intentionally embrace a lifestyle of radical gratitude . . . and slow down and catch God in the moment."
As I said, I've only read a few chapters so far, but it is good for my heart. Here's another tidbit. . . "To name a thing is to manifest the meaning and value God gave it." This is talking about NAMING our blessings. . . recognizing and naming the gifts God gives us. Can you name one thousand gifts from God? I'm finding that the more you name, the more you see. . . . . yes, good for the heart.
On this Mother's Day I am so thankful for my mother. . . I'm also thankful for my mother-in-law. I'm thankful for a husband who loves me and expresses his love for me as his wife and as the mother of our children. I'm incredibly blessed to have four amazing kids, and three incredible "kids-in-law". With all these gifts, I can say that although the pain and sorrow of losing Sara is great, and often makes my heart heavy. . . the blessing of having her in our family for almost 23 years is a greater joy, that I would never trade.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Cupcakes and Daisies
Too many thoughts to even write. What I'd really like is to turn life's clock back to May 2, 2009, and have the next 3 years play out in a totally different way. But obviously, that would not be God's way, and so now we keep learning to accept what is. Treasuring the memories of the almost 23 years we had with the precious gift of Sara.
During her months of chemo Sara discovered cooking shows on TV (along with Wheel of Fortune). She said that since she couldn't eat, she felt like watching the shows helped her feel like she wasn't missing out on the fun of food. One show that she particularly liked was Cupcake Wars. We held our own variation of Cupcake Wars this week and made cupcakes in honor of Sara. Our scotchmallow cupcakes were chocolate fudge cake filled with a shot of caramel sauce and a dollop of marshmallow creme, then topped with chocolate fudge frosting. And of course, oreo cupcakes. . . more chocolate fudge cake, topped with an oreo, sandwiched in mounds of whipped cream. We weren't quite sure how to incorporate the skittles. . . maybe next year!
And of course, we planted daisies.
During her months of chemo Sara discovered cooking shows on TV (along with Wheel of Fortune). She said that since she couldn't eat, she felt like watching the shows helped her feel like she wasn't missing out on the fun of food. One show that she particularly liked was Cupcake Wars. We held our own variation of Cupcake Wars this week and made cupcakes in honor of Sara. Our scotchmallow cupcakes were chocolate fudge cake filled with a shot of caramel sauce and a dollop of marshmallow creme, then topped with chocolate fudge frosting. And of course, oreo cupcakes. . . more chocolate fudge cake, topped with an oreo, sandwiched in mounds of whipped cream. We weren't quite sure how to incorporate the skittles. . . maybe next year!
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